Nerd Alert
by LaPushWolf
Summary: Bella's got the hots for the library bookworm. Alice is trying to charm the new southern waiter. Rose is trying to impress the schools baseball star. Will the girls ever get up the nerve to turn their fantasy boys into reality?
1. Setup

A/N: I am a Wolf girl. Plain and simple. However all my Bestie's at work are Vamp girls. They have so graciously followed my wolf pack story so I promised I would try my hand at some Vampy stuff just for them. The goal is to be fun and dirty. My two favorite things.

If you like please review! A wolf girl needs encouragement to venture on this side of the fence!

Chapter 1: Setup

It was finally time I broke down and just admitted to it. I had a thing for nerdy boys. Their skinny pants and black-rimmed glasses dug up urges inside of me that would make Bill Clinton blush. I bit the edge of my pencil as I sat in the library at Washington State University. I had my books strewn across the desk in front me pretending like I was reading. I so wasn't reading. Reading was the last thing I had on my mind right now. Why would I come to the library to just sit here and not study? That was all due to numero uno nerd of my fucking dreams sitting about ten feet in front me.

He had his books thrown out in front of him but unlike me he was actually studying. Advanced Bio Chemistry, Physics and Anatomy had been his torture of choice this week.

Yes. I had been nerd stalking him all week. It started when I was sitting at the computer checking my email and his scrawny little ass past by me just inches from my face. Unfortunately that was all it took. Now I was hooked. Shoot me up, max out my credit cards, pawn off my own dog hooked. I was in need of some definite intervention. I could already see myself on Dr. Phil explaining how it all started.

" Well doco first it was the pants. They were all tight and shit and he walked right by my head so you know you have to scope out the junk when they flaunt it right in your face."

" But Bella," Dr. Phil would say, " its not just the pants is it?"

I'd shake my head remorsefully. " No crazo it's not just the pants. It's the glasses."

" Tell me Bella," he would insist, " tell me what the glasses make you want to do."

That's when I would brake out into full Ludacris mode, jump on the couch and start singing, " they make me wanna lick lick lick him from his head to his toes."

I rubbed my temples and shook my head at my over active imagination. I cupped my hand over my eyes and stared at him from underneath. His tousled brown hair was going every which direction. I wanted to run my fingers through it and just pull. Then on top of that every two minutes he would take his finger and push his damn little fuck me glasses back up his nose. I growled and clenched my free hand on edge of my seat. I had a real problem.

" Down tiger," a voice from behind me chirped, " you look like you're about to pounce."

I didn't need to turn around because I already knew it was Alice, my numero uno slutastic bitch of a best friend. " He's wearing a tie today, " I moaned as she sat down next to me, " a freaking tie!"

I saw the mocking smirk spread across her face. " It's just a tie Bella."

I groaned. Alice didn't understand the fine qualities that made up a lust worthy intelligent make you wanna scream the periodic table backwards kind of man. No Alice had her own fetish.

Cowboys. Good old fashion howdy y'all southern cowboys. She found her solace lusting after Jasper Whitlock the southern gentleman of her wildest fantasies that worked down at the local coffee shop. We stalked him on Thursdays.

" You don't understand," I stated rolling my eyes.

" You're completely right Bella. I don't," she said turning her head to the side scrutinizing my nerdilicious goodness, " I don't get the allure of the glasses. I mean he's definitely hot don't get me wrong. Throw that boy on some boots and a ten gallon hat and I'd be saying ride em cowgirl if you know what I mean."

" I always know what you mean," I laughed and turned my attention back to the object of my desire as he so fuckably turned the page in his book.

I shook my head as I heard a chair pull up behind me. " Oooh a tie," the voice giggled, " I bet you're about to turn into R Kelly at a twilight convention."

" Don't tempt her Rose," Alice giggled, " you're very close to being correct."

I grunted my displeasure at them. Rosalie Hale goddess of all things born with a penis, at least in her own mind, was my other best friend. She too did not understand. Rose was your typical all American beauty who liked her men big and beefy. If you asked her after a few cocktails she would also add in hung like a mule. Rose got her fix from Emmett if I had any more muscles I'd turn green McCarty. Emmett was the captain and residential hunk on the Washington State Baseball team. We stalked him every home game.

" Come on Bella," Rose urged, " at least find out what his name is."

" I am perfectly fine not knowing," I stated almost freaking out at the mere idea of walking up to him.

" But how do you know what to name your vibrator," she smiled at me.

" She has a point," Alice agreed, " just ask him if he has a extra pocket protector or something."

" Or, " Rose started bouncing in her seat, " a penis protector!"

Alice and I just looked at her. " You know like a condom, " she explained.

" You better thank God you're pretty," Alice groaned.

" You know you two ruin this for me, you know that," I hissed and started slamming my props shut so I could stuff them in my bag.

On the third slam I heard two very high pitched gasps and I looked up to see a pair of big bronze eyes staring at me through thickened lenses. " Sorry," I mouthed out in his direction and he immediately dropped his eyes back to his book.

" Oh Oh, go," Alice urged, " go now you got his attention!"

I only huffed and started cramming my books into my backpack. " No what I did was just embarrass the hell out of my self!"

I grabbed my backpack and started to run off with twiddle dee and twiddle dum right on my heels. " No you didn't, " Alice cooed, " he totally gave you bedroom eyes."

" Bedroom eyes," I scoffed, " more like why don't you shut the hell up so I can study eyes."

" Give it up Alice," Rose laughed, " she's got her twat in a knot. You know there is no dealing with her when she's like this."

" Where are you going," Alice asked, " I know you don't have class this late."

" Work," I grunted, " I have to get some extra cash if Rose la hoe hoe here wants to buy season tickets to freaking baseball."

" Yes," Rose squealed with excitement, " go earn that money bitch because we've got some hunky monkey to scope out next week on that trapezoid thing they play on"

" It's a diamond Rose," I groaned, " it's not that hard honey. Count the sides."

" Okay," Alice whined, " if you must go to work then go. See you tomorrow at the coffee shop though right?"

" Yes," I groaned, " just don't hump the boys leg off before I get there to hold you back."

" I'll try," she giggled, " depends on how many times he calls me miss aaaaaalice."

I rolled my eyes and kept walking toward my car. I tried not to think about my screw up and focused on getting to work. I made a promise to myself I would only allow three hours of nerd stalking each day and I'd reached my limit about thirty minutes ago. I sighed at the thought of that damn tie.

There would always be tomorrow.


	2. Cowboy

Chapter 2: Cowboy

There are good days. Like when your favorite nerd decides to bring a lollipop to his study session and you get the glorious pleasure of watching him lick it for forty minutes. Yes, forty whole I could find him a cherry to lick minutes. Those were the really good days. Then there were the bad days. The really bad days….like today.

My alarm clock finally decided to roll over and go to things that annoy me hell this morning, which meant I woke up an hour late for my morning class. Of all the classes I could have been late for it had to be my anatomy class. I was doing horrible in that class. It's not because I'm dumb but its hard to study anatomy out of a text book when you knew the real thing was sitting in the third seat from the right at the fifth table on the third floor of the library. It was my piss poor luck that I went to the library for "research" right after my anatomy class on Mondays. That meant every Monday I sucked it up in class, which meant my grade was currently sucking it up as well. Now I was going to be late for the one day out of the week that I actually paid attention.

I walked in with thirty minutes remaining in the class. I should have just skipped but I'm a glutton for punishment. As soon as I broke through the doors Mr. I haven't got laid since the 1960's gave me his usual you don't meet my intellectual standards glare. Except today he followed it with a very snarky, " well good morning Miss Swan. It's nice to see that your sixty-eight midterm average has inspired you to become a more dedicated student."

I probably could have let it pass. I probably should have let it pass. However he stood there looking way too smug at the embarrassment he thought he had caused me. Unfortunately for Mr. Decrepo I was born with the smart ass gene attached directly to my ego so while I trotted over to my usual back row seat I added a very sweet, " well it's nice to see your erectile dysfunction hasn't affected the stick up your ass."

I realize now it wasn't the best decision I've ever made but that was only after he kicked me out of class…..permanently. I then had to spend the next three hours at the admissions office changing my schedule so I could be transferred into another section. When I say another section I really mean the only spot remaining. When I say only spot remaining I really mean the section that everyone else refuses to sign up for because the lab is at six o'clock in the evening.

For those non sport lovers out there, which includes myself, a six o'clock Monday night class really didn't pose that big of a deal for me. However Rose so kindly explained to me that apparently Monday nights were football nights down at Carlisle's Pub. Hence the entire reason Rose refused to let me sign up for this section in the first place. She would be crushed that I would no longer be able to take part in her favorite sporting event: Monday Night who can be first to get a hunk drunk. Rose is currently the reining champ or the pub slut depending on how you wanted to look at it. I really didn't see the challenge in it. Maybe I'm just not the competitive type but it seemed to me that if you had a cooter and some hooters you were pretty much guaranteed to score some points or some crabs. Yep I would really miss Monday nights at Carlisle's.

I really tried to be positive. I honestly tried to convince myself that maybe my bad day would only be a hafer. That maybe it would turn around after lunch. That's when it started pouring the rain and my umbrella turned inside out. While trying to flip it back over I ran into a lamp post that catapulted me into the nearest mud puddle. If that wasn't bad enough they were apparently having try outs for biggest prick today and the judges decided to let the contestants try out their skills on the pathetic soul named Bella this is a horrible fucking day Swan.

Needless to say that by the time I was supposed to meet Alice I was quiet the little ray of sunshine.

I walked down the street toward the coffee shop with my hood strapped so tight to my head it was scratching my ass. I stomped into the coffee shop letting the warmth surround me. I shook the cold off and looked around for Alice. I found her leaning over the counter chatting up none other than cowboy Joe himself.

I mean Jasper was technically a cowboy. The boy was from Texas and according to Alice his jeans were so tight they deserved some form of riding but he didn't go all out with a hat or anything. At least not outside of Alice's imagination.

I rolled my eyes and walked over to sit down next to Rose at our usual corner booth. " I see I'm too late," I announced throwing a look over my shoulder.

" If she leans any further over that counter she's going to be licking his crotch," Rose smiled.

I held out my hand for her phone because I wasn't in the mood to dig mine out of my backpack. Rose instinctively knew what I wanted and shoved it in my hand while she scooted over so she could see what I typed.

I quickly typed out a text that read:

_Back away from the cowboy with your hands up!_

After taking Alice's order, for what I'm sure was the third time in the past twenty minutes, Jasper walked away and Alice jerked her phone out her pocket. She made a face at me and replied:

_I am behaving myself thank you very much!_

Rose and I both let out a snort.

_Tell that to the stool you're molesting. _

I knew as soon as she registered it because she looked down and adjusted herself. She whipped herself to face Jasper who was coming back with a cup of hot chocolate and Alice had a distinct middle finger stuck up in our direction behind her back.

I gave her one second to start talking before I sent:

_Well whatever you do: DO NOT LOOK DOWN AT HIS CROTCH._

She peaked down at her phone but then took her eyes straight back up to Jasper. " She won't do it," Rose giggled, " she's developing a resistance toward you."

" Wait for it," I insisted and sure enough two seconds later her eyes dropped.

We both busted out laughing and Alice threw a menacing stare over her shoulder. " She's going to kill you," Rose sniggered while giving me a much deserved high five.

" After the day I've had," I moaned, " death would be a welcomed release."

Alice was headed back over to the table and she slammed the hot chocolate down in front of me. " That's the last time I'm nice enough to order you a drink," she huffed.

" Yeah, because you did that out of the pure goodness of your heart," I scoffed grabbing my cup of chocolately goodness.

" At least I have the nerve to talk to him," she hissed at me, " I hump the seat in front of him and not the one across the room."

I ignored her. " Seriously Bella when was the last time you got some?"

I shrugged my shoulders, " I don't know….. that Labor Day bash?"

" Hold up," Rose demanded, " I hate to tell you Bella but passing out drunk in the back seat of my car and waking up three hours later to find Mike Newton groping your boob does not qualify as gettin' some."

I kicked her beneath the table. " Look Whorella Decunt that was the Fourth of July."

" She's right Rose," Alice pointed out, " but seriously Bella whats up? Do you have a rule that you can only see penis on holidays?"

" Its not a rule," I mumbled," it just tends to happen that way."

" It tends to happen that way because you haven't embraced your sexuality," Rose explained like she was some astute scholar on my libido, " and on the holidays you get drunk off your ass and finally let yourself go."

" Good point," Alice agreed and I knew they were about to team up on me, " all we need to do is get our little Bella here hopped up on the magic juice and shove her in the direction of the library."

" The rest will take care of itself," Rose finished.

They set smiling at each other like they had just solved some difficult equation. I thought about screaming at them. I was in a screaming, pull some hair out, all out catfight mood but another option crossed my path. A better more satisfying option. At that very moment walking directly towards us was Cowboy Joe. Alice was at least right about one thing. That boy wore some tight pants. The bulge coming out toward us could take an eye out.

Jasper slowly walked over to our table and I could have sworn I heard an explosion coming from Alice's pants. " Miss Alice," he smiled down at her and then turned to Rose and I, " ladies. Can I get you anything else?"

I grinned to myself. Alice was predictable. Good ole predictable Alice. I waited until she was about to open her mouth and then I let mine drop open. " Alice! Stop staring at the boy's dick! I mean he's looking right at you," I stated in pure shock, " don't be so rude!"

Alice's eyes widened. I was positive of her next action. I was as sure of it as I am Kenye West making an ass out of himself at the next available opportunity. Her eyes were on his crotch as soon as he looked down. I leaned back in my seat and took another sip of my hot chocolate.

Serves the bitch right.

Alice nearly killed me. Of course she waited until we were safely outside away from the still blushing Cowboy Joe. The only reason I survived was because I got a head start and there was no way she would ruin her favorite pair of hoochie boots to catch me. Silly little pixie. I ended up having to call Rose to let her down about being unavailable for tonight's festivities. I had to hear a speech about how I had so obviously planned this all out to just get out of it but she eventually calmed down after I pointed out baseball season started in a few days. I was still laughing to myself as I walked toward my new night class.


	3. Nerdward

A/N: I just wanted to point out that one of my other stories " CALL OF LOVE" is nominated for BEST COMEDY at the THE SPARKLE AWARDS.

You should totally go check it out and if you like it go vote at www(dot)thesparkleawards(dot)webs(dot)com

Voting end November 8th! Yes it is a wolfpack story but its a fun wolfpack story and its COMPLETELY FINISHED. Yes 42 chapters of fun time with the wolves.

Okay back to Eddie boy. Chapter's will begin to get longer as I get the story set up. P.S if you are really nice I might even throw in some Edward point of view next chappie.

Chapter 3: Nerdward

I was going to fail anatomy. I have never in my entire life failed a class. I had skipped class, bull shitted my way through a class but never failed. In fact I have never even made less than a B before. Last night's lab did nothing but reveal to me exactly how big of a slacker I had been these past couple of weeks. When the teacher asks you to name the Femur bone and you respond with, " uhh the big one?" you know its bad. I felt like I was walking around with a giant flashing F over my head all day.

I packed up all my books and went the library. This time I was on a mission. Mission impossible. Bella Swan was going to go to the library to actually study. The hardest thing I have ever done is bypass my usual nerd stalking spot. This time I found a small tiny corner in the basement that was nice and quiet. I pulled out a 3ft by 3ft poster of a skeleton and taped it up on the wall next to me.

I was going to know every major bone on this anorexic heathen before I left this spot if it killed me. I stared at the skeleton and boredom immediately sunk in. How was I ever going to make this interesting enough so that I would focus? I pulled out a black sharpie from my binder and drew a pair of black glasses around the eyes.

Well at least now it was a sexy boring skeleton. That's an improvement. I narrowed my eyes down at the skeleton and concentrated.

F-I-B-U-L-A….. the big one.

This was useless. There was only one bone I cared about right now and it has an errrr attached to the end. I fell back in my seat and tried to approach this from an angle fit for a pervert. I closed my eyes and pictured my geek god. I imagined my self stepping up to him and taking his shirt off. I ran my hand down his arm…..

" Humerus, radius, ulna."

I opened my eyes and smiled. This could work. I closed my eyes and took off his pants. Oh yeah….this could work.

" Mom," a voice groaned from behind me, " I'm not starving. I know I can't cook but I do know how to order food."

I spun around to inform the rude bastard that I was trying to study when my uterus dropped three inches. Standing behind me on top a step stool reaching up for a book was the poster boy for 1-800-I wanna screw a nerd. He had his cell phone to his ear and one hand stretched up above his head. I couldn't see his face but I knew that skinny ass anywhere. His shirt was jerked up revealing the faint sign of black boxer shorts. The shirt fell back down and I quickly spun back around.

" Yes I know I could live off cupcakes but I'm not just eating junk food okay?"

I turned my head to the side slightly to watch him walk back down the isle with his new book still chatting away. I turned back to my skeleton and shook my head. Sorry bones but he's still got you beat. I pulled the poster down and shoved it in my book and took off down the isle after my nerd.

James Bond didn't have shit on me. I was in complete stealth mode. I stood in the middle of the isle pretending to look at a book as he continued to talk on the other side of the shelf. " Okay we are definitely not having this conversation right now. I'm okay with listening to you lecture me about by diet but this we are not discussing."

His voice moved down a few feet and I followed. His voice was cool and calm. Every word he spoke made tiny little prickles pop up on my skin. " I came to college to get an education not to go all fratastic," he continued to growl, " it would only be a distraction."

We were moving dangerously close to the edge of the book shelf so I stopped at the corner and turned my back to it. He let out an agonizing moan and I had to hold onto the shelf for support. " I need to finish my Bio homework, can we talk about this later?"

He emerged from between the isle and my back instinctively jerked inward at the thought of him standing behind me. " Love you too mom," he laughed and I heard the phone slap shut.

He breathed in a deep heavy sigh and my ovaries dropped down to meet my uterus. " You would think moving away to college would make your mother realize you're a man," he mumbled to himself, " but no not Edward Cullen's mom."

With that he stalked up the stairs with his new load of books. I turned around just in time to watch his feet disappear up the stairwell.

Edward.

My nerd's name was Edward.

Edward Nerdilicious Cullen.

Nerdward.

I grabbed my books and quickly stuffed everything down my backpack. I wasn't studying today. Today was not a study day. I ran up the stairs and headed back to my apartment.

Once I was home I went straight to the kitchen and started slinging open cupboards and drawers looking for everything I needed. I spent the next hour and half whipping through my kitchen like Martha Stewart's jail mate bitch. My kitchen was in complete and total shambles but in front of me set one beautiful creation if I had to brag on it myself.

A cupcake.

Not just any cupcake but a strawberry cupcake with home made cream cheese icing topped with cherry sprinkles. I couldn't tell my femur from my ass crack but I could damn sure bake the hell out of some cupcakes. I grabbed the treat and ran full throttle back to the library. When I made it to the third floor I bent over gasping for air. People were walking by looking at me like I was a lunatic but I didn't care.

Nerdward sat silently studying in his usual spot. I stumbled over to a seat to wait it out. I held the cupcake in my lap as I patiently waited for my heart rate to slow down. Twenty-five minutes later I was perfectly calm and Edward had pulled off his glasses to rub his eyes. He put the glasses back on and leaned up to stretch. I scooted up in my seat. I knew it was almost time.

Sure enough Edward stood up and stretched again before walking away from his desk. I leaned over to watch him fade out of sight into the hallway leading to the bathroom and I pounced. In a matter of seven seconds I was across the room, the cupcake was strategically placed in the middle of his book and I was back in my original position.

James Bond I tell you. Bella Swan international nerd stalker extrodinaire. My stomach knotted up as he returned to his seat. He noticed something was off as he approached and he stopped a few feet from the desk staring at his book. He cocked his head to the side and a small smile spread across his face.

He moved closer and picked up the cupcake. He turned it around inspecting it.

Eat it. Just freaking eat it. PUH-LEASE eat it.

He did something even better. He stuck his tongue out and licked the icing. His eyes lit up and the next thing I knew he had the wrapper off and half of it in his mouth. I practically squealed with excitement. He was licking the icing off his fingers when he looked around the room. I moved back out of sight even more than I already was but I couldn't stop smiling.

Nerdward liked my cupcakes.

He leaned back in his seat and smiled again before shaking his head and looking back down at his book.

It was official. I'm going to fail anatomy.


	4. Introductions

A/N: Okay so I lied about the Eddie perspective thing. I just can't do it. Or well I just can't do it and do it right. So you are stuck with Bella. Also I just joined Twitter. Yes I broke down and done it. Mostly so I could follow celebrities haha. I have zero friends on there so if you like to be my Twitter friend you can find me at VannaJoDee

Chapter 4: Introductions

" What do you mean you baked him a cupcake? Please tell me that is your new slang for rocking that geeks socks off behind the poetry section."

" No….I mean it literally. I baked him a cupcake," I thought about it for a second remembering his smile and his tongue, "he liked it and I liked that he liked it."

"He liked it," Alice just looked at me and then a slow smiled spread across her face, "he doesn't know you're the one who baked it does he?"

" Technically?"

Alice burst out laughing and I begrudgingly stuffed another handful of popcorn in my mouth. We were sitting center field at the Washington State baseball stadium for the home opener. " I think it was good thinking on Bella's part," Rosalie suggested craning her head to get a better view of the players coming out on the field, " a man will follow his stomach more than his dick most of the time."

I pointed to Rose in order to suggest that she had a point but I couldn't help but laugh at her in the process. I was bundled up in about three layers of clothing while sex on a stick Hale looked like she was going to the beach in freaking Kokomo. " Rose you do realize he plays short stop and there is no possible way Emmett is going to see you all the way out here?"

She slung her mane of blonde hair around in my face. " Look stalkerella. You bake your nerd cupcakes and I'll flaunt my hoo haas to my jock. We work with what we've got."

" Would you two focus," Alice complained, " I mean the guy ate your freaking cupcake."

" Don't say it like that," I complained, " you make it sound dirty."

" Alice can make the Easter bunny x-rated," Rose smiled, " besides you said it your self…you liked it when he ate it."

This conversation was going down hill and down hill fast. " Did he use his tongue," Alice asked intrigued, "did he lick it nice and slow?"

" Did he mmmm with pleasure," Rose giggled, " was he completely satisfied?"

There was just no escaping these two once they got started. " He ate it really fast and yes he looked pretty damn satisfied," I grunted.

They both smirked at me in triumph. I think it was their goal in life to pull me down in the gutter with them. I waited because there had to be more. It was Alice so of course there was more. " Seriously though Bells he just ate a cupcake he found sitting on his desk? You could have laced it with the date rape drug for all he knew."

" Now there is an idea," Rose smirked, " I bet that nerd is a freak when he's wasted."

" He apparently has a thing for cupcakes," I explained, " I don't think he could resist."

" Then why don't you rub some icing on your coochie and tell him you have a new flavor for him to try?"

Rose snorted as she eyed down her man warming up over in the left field corner.

" Or I could just bake him more."

" Said the crazy stalker," Alice continued smiling.

I groaned my frustration. They just didn't understand. Every time I looked at him or heard his voice I lost all ability to function. I wanted nothing more than to peal every inch of clothing off of him with my teeth. If he were some normal guy I would have already accomplished that goal. He wasn't normal though. He was nerdward.

About that time Rose kicked me and I realized Emmett McCarty, with all two hundred and fifty pounds of muscle in tow, was headed our direction smiling like a freaking baby at the playboy mansion.

" Hello ladies," his voiced boomed in our direction and Rose leaned over the rail giving him a perfect view of the hoo haas.

" Hello," Rose stated as if she was completely bored out of her mind.

I officially hated her. Out of the people he had not only spotted her but decided to trot over for a friendly chat? The world was cruel. Evil nerd deprivingly cruel. I was quiet depressed that I was being forced to witness this exchange of unwitty sexual Jedi mind games. Neither of them took the tack to be mysterious or unobvious. Emmett might as well waved his hand in front of her face and said "show me the hoo haas," while Rosalie repeated the same gesture instructing, "I wanna see nothing but cleats." Emmett never took his eyes off Rose's chest and Rose was about to sling herself over the railing on top of him. I grabbed the edge of her scanty shirttail just to be safe.

My only saving grace was when the coach finally blew the whistle and he was forced to unlock his gaze from the holy grails. Then of course afterwards Rose was so high on pheromones that you couldn't understand a word she was talking about. She kept mumbling shit about chocolate syrup, chains and Barry White.

Either way I was jealous. Both Alice and Rose were well on their way to apprehending their fantasy boys while I was watching from the sidelines. I wasn't overtly confident like Alice or physically gratifying to the point of instant hard ons like Rose. I was determined to work with what I had.

Cupcakes.

After the baseball game I went to the grocery store and I'm not going to lie… I went a little crazy with the cupcake supplies.

Monday I left him with a dazzling display of chocolate and chocolate with strawberry sprinkles. He looked around the room suspiciously before devouring it in a matter of seconds. The chocolate smeared over his lips as he licked it off and I died a little inside. Okay so maybe died is the wrong verb but its less embarrassing.

Tuesday I got a little creative with chocolate chip and butter cream icing. I could have sworn he was eyeing his desk as soon as he came back around the corner from retrieving a book. It made the smile on his face when he saw it sitting there even sweeter.

Wednesday I got a little brave and drew a smiley face on the top complete with black glasses. He crinkled his nose up as he examined it and then he let out a laugh while he bit his lip. Yes a laugh. A laugh that I had induced.

Thursday I showed up early in hopes to get some actual studying done before he arrived because lets face it. After he arrived I didn't care if I ended up a hobo on the street singing thriller for pennies as long he moaned when he licked my cupcake. I finally decided to give myself a little quiz to see exactly how much I actually knew.

Bad idea.

I sat there looking at the paper. I knew how to spell the names of the bones, and I could think of about thirty different ones, but I just couldn't remember which one was which. Unfortunately that was kind of the whole point. I slammed the book shut and shoved it off the desk with the feeling of complete doom washing over me.

I heard a loud grunt as my book slammed into the floor. I tilted my head up to see Nerdward staring down at me with a look of pain flashing through his eyes. His right hand cupped itself over his crotch and he let out a small whine before dropping down to his knees.

I sucked in a breath of air as my fingers clamped around the desk.

Oh Shit.

I did not just do that.

No. No. No.

I DID NOT just hit Nerdward in the nuts with a thirty-pound book.

I heard another groan and his left hand tangled itself in his hair. I wanted to talk. I needed to talk. I had to talk but I couldn't. I couldn't get words to come out of my mouth. I could feel my mouth moving, shaking, grasping for functionality but failing. I stood up and bent down over him freaking the hell out, but still unable to form words. He groaned again and looked up his blue eyes locking onto mine.

Pain. I could see it flickering outwards pleading for help. What could I do? What would I do? I had just broke what I assumed would be my most favorite part of the guy who consumed my every fantasy. What do say after something like that?

" SORRY," I finally managed to blurt out but his eyes dropped back to the floor as he cupped his other hand over himself.

I watched as he shifted himself in an attempt to stand up only to result in another agonizing moan. " Tell that to my balls when you find them," he mumbled and my entire world shattered around me.

He was angry with me. He was pissed. Well no shit. I had just introduced a novel to his precious gems by unmerciful means of force. Did I expect him to be thrilled about it?

" What the hell was that," he groaned looking behind him at my book.

" Intro to Anatomy," I stammered.

He snorted and shook his head, " figures."

He panted out a few breaths that made my heart stutter out a few uneven beats and then he held his hand out to me. " A little help?"

I stared at the hand. He wanted me to touch him. He wanted me to touch his hand that just seconds before been cupping his balls.

I quickly grabbed him as he slowly moved himself up to his feet making unfavorable grimacing the whole time. Once standing he released my hold and reached for the table. He gently sat down on the edge with a small whine escaping his lips.

I took a few steadying breaths myself. I don't think maiming a guy's junk should turn you on this much. " Next time you decide to go Carrie on your text book, do a one two check on either side for my nuts….kay?"

I couldn't help but let out a slight giggle as he bent himself down obviously testing his range of motion before sitting himself back up on the table. " Will do," I assured him, " I was just frustrated. I honestly would never hurt your nuts on purpose."

That was the damn truth. I could think of fifteen different things I would like to do to them but hurting them didn't make the list.

He nodded as his eyes ran over the floor toward my book. " Frustrated huh," he studied the book for a moment, " anatomy can be tough."

I rolled my eyes. " It's kicking my ass," because of you but I let that part slide, " I'm kind of failing right now."

He studied me for a moment and I suddenly got extremely self-conscious. " I've seen you around. A lot actually. You sit here at this desk most of time right?"

He'd noticed me?

Oh shit. He'd noticed me.

I nodded. It wouldn't be smart for me to talk right now.

" You come in with two other girls sometimes too. A little one and a blonde?"

I nodded.

" You study almost as much as me but you're still failing?"

Stalking and studying were two totally different things, but I didn't think he needed an explanation. " That subject seems to be my weak link," I explained along with your glasses, your pants and every other nerdy little thing about you.

He stood up off the desk cautiously adjusting himself. " Would you like some help?"

" Help," I squeaked as he pushed his glasses up his nose.

" Yeah. Well on behalf of all innocent nuts everywhere I feel kind of obligated to help you relieve this frustration of yours," he smiled, " I could help you with your anatomy."

" Oh."

We stood there looking at each other and he raised an eyebrow. " Is that a yes? Or a no freaky boy get your bruised nuts away from me?"

"Uhh ….ummm…uhh," crap here I go again, " the first one."

He laughed and crossed his arms, " well grab the nut cracker there and join me over at my desk."

I nodded.

In fact I nodded ten times before I could make myself stop and actually pick up the book. He smiled and I followed him over to his desk checking out his ass the entire time.

Knocking guys in the crotch with a book. A new perfectly acceptable introduction technique. Boys everywhere hide in fear.


	5. Notes

A/N: Moral of the story. Never trust your friend to deliver something for you. Especially if you have screwed said friend over in the past. It will come back to haunt you. ENJOY!

P.S I really do LOVE all the reviews. I cherish every single one. I find it funny that you think I'm funny. It seems ridiculous to me. Thanks so much!!

Chapter 4: Notes

Holy Mother Loving Gee Willies ….AAAHHHHH.

I sat down in the chair next to him letting my backpack slide off my arm. He leaned over the desk to make room for my books and I sat back checking out that delicious back view. Don't judge. You would have too. My hand slowly reached out in a mock effort to squeeze his ass but I quickly repositioned myself as he sat down.

Reflexes like a cat I have. A horny hump your leg off rottweiler kind of cat.

He turned to face me and I just sat my chin in my hand and smiled. I was in heaven. Black rimmed lets do it like mammals on the discovery channel heaven. " I'm Edward by the way. Edward Cullen," he grinned shaking his head, " I guess I kind of forgot to mention that before."

At the thought of it his hand reflexively moved over his crotch.

" You were a little occupied," I smiled, " I'm Bella or well Isabella Swan."

He nodded and scooted his chair closer up to the desk and I scooted mine closer to him. " So you're having trouble with Anatomy?"

He ran his fingers through his hair and then I realized he was waiting for me to answer. " Uhh yeah…trouble with Anatomy. Yep that shit is …. hard."

My eyes dropped down to his crotch and I mentally kicked myself. I was not turning into Alice today.

" So what are you having trouble with exactly," he asked with the cutest serious expression.

" Bones," do not drop your eyes…do not drop your eyes, " the bones are giving me a hard time."

He nodded as I focused my attention on the glasses. " I guess they are pretty easy to get mixed up, we could try making up some kind of saying with the first letter of each name that would help you remember."

" You mean like hump some cocks?"

His eyes widened and I stifled a giggle.

" You know like hip bone, sacrum, coccyx," I explained further, " hump some cocks."

" Oh. Uh yeah. Kind of like that."

Note to self: Nerdy boy blushes easily.

I liked.

" How about we split the body up into sections and write out the list of bones in that portion and then we can come up with some stuff?"

" You're the boss," I smiled.

He took the top half and I took the bottom as we began writing everything out. About halfway through I noticed him glancing around and then I heard a distinct rumbling sound coming from the direction of his stomach. " You okay there champ?"

He leaned back in the seat and rubbed his stomach. " Yeah, I missed breakfast this morning. I was kind of counting on," and he threw another glance around the room but then stopped.

" You were counting on what?"

He grinned and turned his head away from me. " Are you blushing," I asked leaning over so I could see his face.

I couldn't resist. Nerdward blushing was just about the sexiest thing I have ever seen. I could think of about hundred different ways to make that boy blush and eleven different positions.

" Its nothing really. Trust me you don't want to know."

" Oh but I do."

Oh so very much.

He fiddled with his hands in his lap as he blew out a breath. He was going to be difficult. Always playing hard to get. Edward didn't know but I was reigning champ at capture the nerd. Maybe it was because I was usually the only one chasing but either way I won. I placed my hand on the back of his chair and leaned my body toward his. " Tell me," I whispered.

" Someone usually leaves me a cupcake. At least they have been for the past week," he blurted out his face beaming with red now.

Everything inside of me knotted up. " Oh really? Who?"

He shrugged, " I have no idea. I get up to go to the bathroom, or to get a book. When I come back its just sitting here."

I examined his face and his stomach let out another rumble. " Are you wanting your cupcake," I asked slowly.

A slight smile crept across his face. " They are really good," he insisted, " I don't know why they don't do it when I'm sitting here."

I made my eyes stay on Nerward and not look down at my backpack that contained two cupcakes that seemed to be calling my name. "Umm well you could always go and see what happens," I suggested, " I'd really hate for you to miss out on your cupcake because of me."

He pushed his glasses back up his nose, " are you being serious?"

I rolled my eyes. " Go cup cake freak," I laughed, " go get a book or take a walk down the street. I promise if some stranger drops a cupcake off I won't touch it."

He eyed me warily as he stood up. " GO," I shushed him off.

As soon as he turned the corner I jerked my cell out of my bag hitting the first button on my speed dial.

"Alice," I panicked, " where are you?"

" Today is officially ride a cowboy day," she scoffed into the phone, " wanna join?"

" Get your ass to the library right now!"

" Why," she asked confused and then her voiced went up," you didn't kid nap him did you, because I'm pretty sure you should ask his permission before you gag him."

" Alice," I did not have time for her right now," listen! I may have accidentally knocked Nerdward in the nuts with a book but its all good because he offered to help me study. Well that's bad for my anatomy grade but possibly good for my vagina but either way I think he has a thing for the cup cake girl. He just left to see if she would leave him a cupcake but I can't leave him a cupcake because then he would ask me about the girl and the girl would be me! So I need YOU to come here RIGHT NOW and get the cupcake and put it on his book while I distract him!"

" Oh my gosh Bella….you should have just gagged him."

" Alice! NOW!"

" Okay okay, I'm on my way."

I slammed my phone shut and glanced impatiently over my shoulder trying to mentally calculate how long it would take her to get here. Within a couple of minutes I spotted Edward walking back down the corridor in my direction. A very distinctive disappointed pout came across his lips as his eyes raked across the desk in front of me. " No luck sweet tooth," I explained using my best Vanna White impression to showcase the empty desk, " she's obviously not going to show herself in my presence."

He looked at me still disappointed and I couldn't help but smile. " You think I made her up don't you?"

My smile grew. Oh I knew she was real. A little light on the sanity and a little heavy on the dick appreciation, but real none the less. " She is real," he insisted and I raised a questioning brow.

" She? How do you know for sure it's a she?"

A look of pure horror engulfed him and I burst out laughing. So damn cute. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Alice pretending to read a book next to the magazine rack. " How about we both leave and see what happens?"

" Fine," he hissed and stalked off, " it is sooo a she."

I looked over my shoulder and pointed to the black bag on the floor and quickly followed after him. " So how long should we give this imagin-- …mystery wom--… person of yours," I giggled.

His brows knotted up. "You are going to feel really bad when we go back and there is a cupcake sitting on that desk."

No. I'm going to feel really horny watching you eat it. " If there is a cupcake sitting on that desk, I will personally cook you a five course meal."

Because tricking your dream guy into a date is almost as good as dislocating his balls. " There will be a cupcake on that desk," he mumbled crossing his arms.

We waited a few minutes as he impatiently browsed the books along the shelf. He busied himself reading the previews and I busied myself figuring out long it would take to get his pants off. He placed the book back on the shelf and looked over at me. I knew that was his cue for he'd waited long enough. " Lead the way," I motioned before me.

We walked silently back out toward his desk and sure enough two pink cupcakes sat on his book. Damn Alice. She was only supposed to put one. The other one I had made for myself as a snack for later. His pace quicken as he saw it and I swear I thought I saw him hop just once. " I told you," he beamed picking up the cupcakes.

" Yeah Yeah, so you win," I smiled, " I guess I owe you a meal."

As the words left my mouth my breath caught. Sitting beneath the cupcake he had just picked up was a little pink note. My heart sank.

Damn freaking Alice.

He picked it up and unfolded it and it took everything in me not to grab it out of his hands. His eyes ran down the note and his cheeks suddenly flashed red.

" Wh-wh-what does it say?"

Because God only knows what kind of perverted shit Alice would come up with. I wouldn't be surprised if she used diagrams. His cheeks flashed red again and then he his bit lip.

" Edward?"

His eyes dropped down to the floor and he crumbled the note in a fist. He turned his face away from me and pushed his glasses back up his nose. " Umm…," he whispered, " I think…I think maybe they are making fun of me?"

Huh? " What do you mean?"

He let out a small sigh and turned further away from me. " I think maybe it's just someone having fun at my expense."

At his expense? Oh hell no. " What does the note say," I asked again and I could feel my anger towards Alice escalating.

He shook his head. " Its cool Bella. I'm used to being the nerd, its nothing new."

" The note," and this time it wasn't a request.

Embarrassment flooded him and his fingers unwound one by one revealing the crumbled pink paper. I quickly grabbed it smoothing out the edges.

In pretty swirling letters I read:

_Icing is sweet but your ass in skinny jeans is better_

_Bring your glasses but leave the sweater_

_I know a girl who wants to fuck you if you will only let her_

I raised my eyes back up to his but he wouldn't look at me. He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. " I feel really stupid," he mumbled staring at the floor, " I should have known better."

I opened my mouth but words didn't come out. I wanted to tell him that he took it all wrong. The note wasn't making fun of him. It was the truth. Alice had written no lies, but how could I tell him that? His emotions were vaguely flashing through his eyes as I stood motionless before him.

Hurt. Embarrassment. Pain.

I crumbled the note in my hand and threw it on the table.

Alice was dead.

However Edward Cullen was not about to leave this library thinking he was anything other than the hottest freaking thing to every grace the presence of the corrupted interworkings of my mind. I stepped forward and grabbed his shirt pulling him until he was inches from my face with a little more force than he was ready for.

He looked down at me staring at the hand gripped around his shirt and I heard him swallow before he looked me back in the eye. " Bella?"

I jerked him again and his mouth clamped shut. I was going to do the talking and he was going to listen. I intensified my grip on him and scooted up until I knew my breath would hit his face. He needed to hear this and I needed to say it.

" Listen to me Nerward….." I whispered.


	6. Surprise

A/N: For any of y'all who read CALL OF LOVE…. Do you like my new avi? I made it myself. * beams with pride* I miss Embry * goes off to work on The Other Beta* Quil will have to cheer me up.

I also added a little line in this chapter for the wolf girls. * waves to wolf girlies*

* In best high pitched squeaky Bronson voice* SUCK IT IN AND TELL THE TRUTH.

Chapter 6: Surprise

I had obviously lost my mind. Tee totally rattling around nothing but rocks lost it. Here I was with my hand gripped around his shirt pulled up on him like I was ready for an eight second ride. Not only that but my dumbass had just called him Nerdward to his face.

TO HIS FACE.

OUTLOUD.

Yep I apparently had that kind of balls today. Who knew?

There was no backing down now. It was time to suck it in and tell the truth.

" That note was not making fun of you," I scoffed as those beautiful blues eyes beamed down at me.

" But," he whispered and I shook my head.

" Nerds are hot Edward," I explained, " rainbow orgasmically hot."

" Bella," he said rolling his eyes and he reached up to remove my hand from his shirt but I wouldn't budge.

" You don't believe me?"

He raised an eyebrow and I went completely livid. I had just told him he was hot to his face and he was going to stand there and pretend that I was lying to him. Oh fuck no. That shit was not happening. I had just admitted one of my biggest secrets and by damn he was going to accept it. I glanced over and spotted Alice standing on top of a table in the back corner her eyes wide with excitement.

She was about to owe me five bucks for her ticket to the nerd show. I turned my attention back to Edward. I slowly moved my hand from his shirt up to his neck and then tangled my fingers in his hair. " So naive," I smiled and a confused look crossed his faced.

I clenched the fingers in his hair and I felt the adrenaline course through me. I jerked his head down to mine and planted my lips directly upon his. Such cool soft delicious lips. I had pulled him off balance and he was about to fall into me so I pushed him backwards crashing through our chairs until his ass finally hit the table. I took my free hand and shoved his hips up on the table pushing him further back until I finally had to crawl up on the table myself to keep my lips on his. As I straddled him I pulled his hair leading his head down toward the table. I let my other hand snake its way through those bronze locks and then I pulled. Hard.

He gasped into my mouth, which is exactly what I wanted. I let my tongue slip in tasting his sweetness and I reflexively ground myself up against him. That's when I felt his hands. Not on my face, shoulders or back but rather on my ass. Both of his hands had gripped directly around my ass as he moaned into my mouth.

The nerd was trying to kill me. Death by nerd, the new epidemic. I flexed my fingers in his hair as I devoured his lips. Just call me Mufasa because nerdward was my innocent prey and I'd taken him down like an injured antelope. Edward's tongue came out to meet my own and I found myself practically humping him. Then I remembered I was in the middle of the damn library. I needed to keep my control.

I gave him one last hard go around before I pulled up ripping my lips from his. He gasped and followed me up. I scooted back off the table admiring the view. His hair was in complete sex head disarray while he panted trying to catch his breath. His hand moved over his crotch where his evident hard on looked like it was about to rip through his pants. I was about to tackle him again, library be damned, with I noticed about ten sets of eyes staring at us.

Nosey bastards. Couldn't people have a good go at it in the middle of the library without attracting attention? I took one last long look at his crotch before admitting that it would have to wait. I stepped up to Edward letting myself stand between his legs. " Nerdward," I whispered as I ran my hand up his leg, " don't ever let me fucking hear you doubt yourself again. You got that?"

He just stared at me shoulders heaving in air. I smiled. I leaned over letting my hips rub against his crotch and raked my finger through the icing on one of the cupcakes. I leaned back placing the finger in my mouth licking the icing onto my tongue. His eyes widened as I moved forward with my tongue still displaying the icing. He knew exactly what I was going to do because leaned in and graciously licked it off.

Oh nerdward. Perfect naughty little nerdward. Did he realize who he was encouraging? He let out a whine as our tongues met and my hands gripped around his thighs.

Pull away Bella. Pull the fuck away. There is no nerd humping in the library. Well at least in this section anyway. I would have to introduce him to Alice's hidden poetry section another time. Miraculously I was able to unlock myself from his nerdy goodness for a second time. I pulled his hot little pouty lip out between my teeth as I enjoyed his taste combined with the icing. " Mmm," I grinned, " my new favorite flavor….strawberry nerdward."

He just stared at me licking his lips. I pried my hands off his legs and stepped back smiling. " We'll have to continue this anatomy lesson another day," I laughed grabbing up my backpack, " enjoy my cupcakes."

He sat there motionless as I smiled and walked off. My legs were moving me in the opposite direction of where my vagina wanted to go but I managed to defy it. I walked directly by Alice who was still standing on top of the table wide eyed and open mouthed. I gave a quick motion for her to follow me before gingerly passing her by.

I knew I was going to have to go to the coffee shop and face my girls before going home. Oh how I wish I could just go home. I had more hormones pulsing through me right now than a jackrabbit at a bunny ranch. Which only reminded me. My newly ordained Edward bunny ears would be waiting for me at home too. I ached to go home as I thought about Edward still sitting on that desk all primed and ready for action.

I was about ready to just say screw Alice and go home when I heard her high-pitched voice speeding up behind me. " ISABELLA SWAN," she yelled, " slow your little nerd humping ass down!"

I stopped as I came to the corner to cross the street in front of the coffee shop. " Yes Alice? Do you need something," I asked innocently.

Her eyes were still the size of saucers but I tried desperately to keep a straight face. " That," she pointed back at the library, " what the hell was that?"

I looked at her confused but then I couldn't hold in the smile. She busted out laughing. " Get your ass in that coffee shop right now young lady," she laughed grabbing my shoulder pulling me across the street, " I need fucking details."

" But Alice," I pouted as she drug me through the door toward Rosalie sitting in our normal corner booth.

Edward bunny ears would have to wait.

Sigh.


	7. Inspiration

A/N: As the chapter title suggest, I had a sudden inspiration this evening. Wrote this chapter in about 35 minutes while watching the Disney channel of all things.

Chapter 7: Inspiration

I was feeling courageous. I would say almost to the point of daring and dangerous. I Isabella Marie Swan was a rebel. Did I sit around waiting for a boy to approach me? Hell no. I stalked him, buttered him up with baked goods, knocked him in the nuts and proceeded to molest him in public because that my friends is how that shit is done. At least I was convincing myself that was true. If I was being honest I should probably be glad I'm not in jail.

I sat smugly in the corner booth while Alice wildly relayed a very detailed version of the events to Rosalie who sat wide-eyed in complete shock. " Oh my gosh Rose," Alice continued in her usual frenzy, " she just attacked him. Middle of the table knocking chairs out of the way straight out corrupted that nerd's soul."

Rose looked over at me stunned and I just shrugged. You know, no big deal. I'm just smooth like that. Just another day in the life of the Bellanator.

" Did he like it?"

I started to answer but Alice interrupted me. " SHIIIIIT. I saw it from across the room Rose. FROM ACROSS THE ROOM."

She then started making insanely inappropriate hand gestures toward her vagina. I quickly reached over the table and swatted her hands.

Rose just ignored us and nodded, " get it Bells. I have to say I'm impressed."

" Impressed," Alice scoffed, " she turned nerdward into shagward in about two point two seconds. She is officially the emperor of Johnsonville."

" Johnsonville?"

" It's the land of well endoubt cowboys that Alice created on Sim City 4," Rose whispered, " trust me don't ask."

I let out a chuckle and rolled my eyes. " Okay so are you two over this now?"

" Over it," Alice huffed, " I am officially inspired!"

She jerked herself around eyeing cowboy Joe behind the counter. She let out a purring sound as she snapped her teeth in his direction. I started to panic. " No no no. Not in the middle of the coffee shop," I urged.

" Oh you're one to talk," Rose hissed scooting up in her seat, " Alice I think this is an amazing idea. I totally support you."

" You haven't even heard what it is yet," I growled slapping her shoulder.

" Do you see that crazed look in her eye right now?"

I looked to Alice who had Jasper locked into her sights. This wasn't good. This was going to end badly I could already tell. " Yep," Rose agreed taking in my worried expression, " that's Alice's I'm getting me some of that right there look."

Jasper chuckled at one of the customer's jokes as he dried off a coffee mug and Alice licked her lips. " No Alice don't," I begged but Rose wrapped her arms around me holding in my seat.

" Go Alice Go," Rose cooed an evil smile stretching across her face, " show that cowboy how to really go down south."

Alice shoved herself out of the seat eyes still locked on her target. " Damn it Rose!"

" Give it up Bells, she's doing it. There is nothing we can do but watch," she grinned and I stopped fighting.

Alice strutted toward the counter with her hoochie boots taping against the tiled floor. Oh hell here we go. " Well hello there Miss Alice," Jasper greeted sitting his mug on the counter.

" Hello….Joe."

Rose started slapping my leg with excitement.

Jasper gave her a strange look but continued, " I didn't even see you come in. What can I get you today?"

That was about the time Alice shoved the guy off the stool in front of him. The guy looked like he was about to get pissed but I think he realized the look of Alice's face and decided it was in his best interest to just back off. " You want to know what you can get me today," she cooed as she sat her knee up on the stool.

" Uhh yes Miss Alice."

Oh that poor boy. He doesn't even see it coming. I squeezed Rose's shoulder as she bounced with pure giddiness. "Alice….Alice," she chanted under her breath like it was the world series of fucking.

Alice was primed for attack with both knees on top of the stool leaning over onto the counter. " You can get me one hot cowboy……to go."

His eyes widened and she pounced. Literally pounced like a freaking puma across that counter. One second she was there and the next thing you know there was a loud commotion and they were both on the floor. People in the shop gasped and a few people stood up but they were completely hidden by the tall counter. You could hear noises or groans I really couldn't tell. Rose and I were practically sitting in each other's lap trying to peer over for the tiniest glimpse of what was happening.

Soft murmurs started erupting from around the shop and I only prayed Alice kept at lest a portion of her senses in tack. I didn't feel like bailing that idiot out of jail for public indecency today. Suddenly I saw two heads pop back up over the counter. Alice was grinning and Jasper…well…Jasper's expression looked very similar to one I had seen earlier today. Alice grabbed his belt buckle and pulled, " follow me Joe."

He swallowed before throwing the rag he still had in his hand over his head. He didn't even bother looking back over his shoulder at their audience. He followed her toward the back room like a lost duck. As soon as they disappeared behind the closed door the shop went completely silent. Well completely silent except for the insane fit of laughter coming from Rose and I. Every eye in the place turned toward us and we suddenly shut up. " Come on," Rose whispered, " lets get he hell out of here."

I quickly grabbed our stuff and ran for the door. As soon as we were outside we busted out laughing again. " Did you see her go after him," she laughed imitating a cat bouncing up in the air before landing on their pray.

" Yes," I assured her, " that was priceless."

" Man that makes me really sad I missed out on your nerd attack. I mean that must have been some inspiration you gave her."

" I guess so," I giggled.

I made my way home and managed to thoroughly entertain myself for the evening. Then I did what I considered to be the best post hormone release activity known to man: baking cupcakes. I knew I had technically let the cat out of the bag about me being the cupcake girl. So I figured there was no sense not spoiling him now, which is why I baked him an entire dozen. An entire dozen cupcakes for one publicly displayed and abandoned hard on. That should just about do it.

The next morning Rosalie and I tracked down Alice who was skipping her way to her first period class. " Stop being a bitch," Rose growled, " what the hell happened in that broom closet?"

" I told you," Alice giggled, " I gave him my number and told him to call me."

Rose and I exchanged disbelieving stares that we then turned on Alice. She attempted to keep a straight face but it lasted about as long as Britney Spear's abstinence vow. " Okay," she admitted, " I may have left my number on his ass."

Rose and I stopped walking. Alice took a few more steps before she turned around. " What?"

" You left your number on his.... ass?"

" Yeah," she grinned, " I mean I was already down in that direction anyway and it seemed like a perfectly good spot."

I raised an eyebrow, " and cowboy was cool with that?"

She started giggling, " if oh god miss Alice is being cool with it... then yeah."

" That's it," Rose stated hopping between us, " Alice has stolen your crown as Johnsonville queen."

" For today," I smiled and removed the container of cupcakes from my bag and twirled them around in front of the girls.

" But I have to go to class," Alice whined, " can't you wait until later?"

" The boy needs his sugar fix," I explained, " and I'm in the mood for some poetry."

" Teeheheee," Rose giggled, " poetry."

Her eyes glazed over in remembrance of past sexcapades in the infamous secluded corner. " Exactly," I smiled, " so I'm gonna take my cupcakes and I will see you bitches later."

I trotted off in the direction of the library as I heard Alice's goodbye ringing out over the quad.

"Don't forget to write your number on that skinny ass!"


	8. Poetry

A/N: Since I admit that I am the evil cliffy queen-- EVERYONE WHO REVIEWS SHALL GET A PREVIEW OF THE NEXT CHAPPIE

and by preview I mean Sexward

Chapter 8: Poetry

I sat silently working on my calculus homework, going over the problems that I had already finished and checking for mistakes. Okay who was I kidding? I was very impatiently waiting for Edward to arrive. I wasn't hiding it very well at all. I was scribbling on my paper and my knee was bouncing all over the place. Bella plus Nerdward minus clothes multiplied by poetry section divided by cupcake frosting equals all out schmexathon.

An hour and half later I was in full out panic mode. No Edward. No skinny jeans. No nerdy little fuck me glasses. I had officially screwed things up. I wanted to kick myself. What the hell had I been thinking? You don't try to defile a nerd in his sacred area. I had probably broken some unwritten nerd tribal law. No sexing on hollow ground.

There goes that dream out the window. I guess I just wasn't meant to stare into the gleam of those abnormally thick prescription lenses. I suddenly felt oddly empty inside. It was like now I was just here to go to school and get an education. There was nothing more to fulfill my life with. I mean who goes to college just to get a fucking education anyway?

I could feel the sting of rejection welling up in my eyes. I guess that's what you get for being bold and confident. They just leave. They leave you all alone in the middle of the library looking like a fool. Now that I think about it that had been exactly what I had done to him. So it fit. The tears spilled over and I jumped up and ran for the bathroom. I threw the door open running for the sink. I bent my head over trying to calm the nausea. I squinted my eyes together to squeeze out the remaining tears. I wanted it gone. I wanted it all gone.

Ten minutes later my face was dry, my eyes were red and I felt like just got run over by the fuck you truck. I stumbled out of the bathroom back toward my desk to gather up my things and go home. I would never go in a library ever again. I let out a long sigh and reached down to pick up my book.

My hand hit something hot. Something hot and a tiny bit gooey. I breathed in and the smell consumed me. I knew that smell. I was a fan of that smell. My eyes shot down to my book to confirm what my nose had already told me. My hand was sitting on a gigantic plate of chocolate chip cookies.

Cookies. Glorious hope redeeming cookies.

Then I spotted a little blue folded paper sticking out from underneath the plate. I quickly grabbed it translating the chicken scratch scrawled upon it.

_Cup Cake Queen_

_Chocolate are the eyes that keep me dreaming_

_Cupcakes are her treat that keeps me feigning_

_But her lips are the weapon that will keep me screaming_

_Cookie Monster_

_p.s I thought you would NEVER get up and leave!_

I choked back a chuckle as I read the last line. I bit my lip and picked up one of the cookies biting off a chunk. They were delicious and I was an idiot. " Bella?"

The whisper came from behind me and I let my head drop soaking in the sound of my name in his rough voice. I felt a cool hand on my hip and then his body pressed up against mine. I instinctively leaned back against him. " I didn't meant to upset you," he whispered into my hair, " I thought I was being cute."

I smiled turning around and burying my face in his flannel shirt. " It was," I whispered back, " I'm just a stupid girl."

I felt him laugh into my hair, " how about next time I try to be cute I give you fair warning?"

I looked up taking his those magnified gorgeous eyes, " it would be greatly appreciated."

" Warning," he giggled, " nervous nerd about to try and kiss beautiful cupcake queen whom he doesn't deserve."

My heart was in my throat and I would swear that my panties just hit the ground. " Warning received," I whispered standing up on my tiptoes, " officially prepared."

His lips caught mine and my knees went weak. His tongue raked across my lips and he let out a moan of pleasure. " Mmm," he hummed against my lips, " coooookies."

I couldn't help but laugh. " You really are a cookie monster."

He smiled pulling me over to my seat and sitting me down in his lap. " I have few questions," he stated running his hand up my leg, " did you REALLY bake all those cupcakes for me?"

I shyly nodded. " Thank you," he whispered sincerely, " they are like tiny sugary orgasms."

I sniggered. I was being such a girl right now. " Next," he began again, " did you really mean that yesterday?"

" What exactly?"

" All of it."

I shook my head yes. He laughed in disbelief. " I took three cold showers last night," he stated, " if I would have known where you lived."

He trailed off letting out an exasperated breath. Shy Bella was fading away and slowly being replaced by the sexitute. " Do you like poetry," I smiled running my fingers across his glasses.

Little sparks of lust were bursting from my fingertips. His nose scrunched up. " Is this some kind of test?"

" No. Just curious," I grinned.

" Not really," he said looking at me warily, " but you can try and change my mind if you like."

I had to keep myself from practically purring the next sentence. " That is exactly what I was hoping you would say."

He looked confused as I stood up and grabbed his hand. " Bring the cookies and the cupcakes," I instructed, " your about to receive your first poetry lesson."

I started walking backwards licking my lips.

He grabbed the goods and started following me. " Bella," he asked still confused, " should this be turning me on?"

I giggled and hooked my finger around one of the loops in his pants. I stood up and placed a small lick on the edge of his ear. " You tell me nerdward."

I quickly turned around and started walking. I heard hurried footsteps behind me.

" Uhhh…so where is the poetry section exactly?"


	9. Licks

A/N:

1. This time next week we all will have seen New Moon Can I get a HALE YEAH…. Doesn't that thought just brighten your day?

2. These chapters never cease to make me blush and feel extremely awkward haha

3. Last update until Monday or so. The hubster is officially turning our house into a Fraternity. Six..yes..SIX of his old college buddies are coming to town for the big football game. All will be sleeping in my living room floor. Wish me luck.

4. Reviews are still appreciated and adored even though I don't a preview to bribe you with lol I however did update my avi once again to reflect my love for nerdward...well kinda

Chapter 9: Licks

The poetry section. That glorious little land of seclusion where young wild at heart youngsters can go to fulfill their greatest desires. This little wild stallions greatest desire was following her ever so eagerly toward that greatest of destinations. I was practically skipping with delight humming out my call to arms.

Top floor.

East Wing.

Left back Corner.

Fourth row behind Custards last stand.

Paradise.

"So this is the poetry section," he asked looking around intently pulling out a book.

Only nerdward would look at a book in the flipping poetry section. " Yes," I sighed taking the cupcakes and cookies away from him.

I sat them up on the table opening them up. I unwrapped one cupcake and whistled toward Mr. Distracted. His eyes locked on the cupcake and I knew I officially had his attention. He quickly joined me on the table. " Hungry?"

He nodded. I placed the cupcake to his mouth and he bit off a chunk. I strategically let the cupcake linger smearing icing across his lips. " Oops," I grinned, " my bad."

He chuckled and leaned toward me. Nerdward knew exactly how to play. I very slowly and methodically licked his lips clean. " Damn Bella," he sighed taking another bite.

We continued this sugary foreplay until there was only one tiny bite left.

I ran my finger through the icing and Edward immediately opened his mouth.

" No, no," I grinned shaking my finger.

I ran my finger down my neck spreading the icing down to my collarbone. " Come and get it."

Within seconds his tongue was on my neck and I was gasping in air. I hadn't expected him to react so quickly. My hand flew behind me for support but I fell into the bookshelf with a loud thud. I suddenly became wary that someone might hear but then I remember that Screamer Gonzales a.k.a Rosalie "The Banshee" Hale had taught many a lesson in this corner. Hands grasped around my bottom holding me in place and I let out a little yelp of my own. He moaned as his tongue licked and bit against the icing following the trail downward. His tongue snuck underneath the edge of my shirt and I heard him growl. " This shirt," he hissed, " is in my way."

This shirt could afford to be lost in the mountainous piles of melodramatic ramblings. Stripidy doo da and the shirt was gone. Dang did that nerd have fast hands. His fingers ran down the stretch of black lace along my bra as his lips devoured that mind numbing little spot between my shoulder and neck. " You taste....so good...Bella," he moaned between bites.

I was thoroughly enjoying being nerdwards little tasty treat but my own hunger needed to be tamed. I unlocked my legs dropping to the floor pulling Edward down with me. I shoved his shoulders up against the back of the shelf ripping apart buttons one by one.

This little button went to the library.

_Snap._

This little button stayed home.

_Snap._

This little button had cupcakes.

_Snap_

This little button had none.

I snatched his shirt open moaning to myself as my hands ran down his bare chest. Now there was only one button left that I cared about. My hand dropped down to his jeans.

This little button cried " fuck... me... now" all…

_Zip._

The way.

_Zip._

Home.

Black cotton briefs stared up at me. Inches stood between my fingers and the road to glory. I pulled his pants apart panting with excitement. Oh glory hell freakinlujah.

A strong hand caught my shoulder and I raised my eyes to Edward who looked like he was about to have a panic attack. " You sure about this," he panted and I rolled my eyes.

" You promised me an anatomy lesson," I cooed running my finger along the line of his boxers eliciting sharp curt breaths, " you backing out on me professor?"

He watched my hand trace around the edge and he finally shook his head no. " Good, because I have my first question."

He raised his eyes. My fingers dipped below as he watched motionless. " So professor what bone shall be start with first?"

A low rumbling built up in his chest. " Hmm this one maybe?"

My hand slid into his pants and down his leg. He shook his head no.

" This one?"

I grazed his pelvic bone adding pressure.

" No," he breathed.

" Then show me professor."

His hand gently glided over mine and shifted to the center. Oh yes, my favorite one. How could I have possibly forgotten? I grabbed him through the boxers and his eyes rolled back.

" Bel-la."

" Yes professor?"

" I've got your first assignment ready."

" Oh really?"

A dark lust filled smirk spread across his lips as he pushed his glasses up. " Uh huh, I'll even give you extra credit if you don't make me explain the instructions."

I giggled lowering my face until my lips grazed along his pants leg. " I think I can handle that," I whispered.

I pulled his pants down and I noticed his eyes glancing behind us. " No one is coming," I assured him not bothering to take my attention off the task at hand.

" Just nervous," he croaked.

" Let me take your mind off of it."

I gripped around cotton and jerked. Hard. It felt sooooo good. It was like ripping open a Christmas present but better. This present I would never get tired of though. I couldn't wait any longer and I dropped down.

The question now would be how many licks does it take?

His entire body stiffened and his mouth opened but no words or air came out. I was now thanking my lucky star for my Rosio I like long hose because she had mastered the art of the preverbal lick and click ages ago. Then she so sweetly passed down the knowledge and I was determined to make her proud.

It was actually quiet easy.

_Lick._

_Drop._

_Rise._

_Click. _

Edward suddenly started mumbling in a language I didn't understand. It wasn't until my fourth time through this process I caught on to exactly what he was saying.

" Bromine, Mercury, Hydrogen, Helium."

He was reciting the periodic table, except he wasn't doing it backwards. Instead he was doing it by elemental category: liquids, gases and solids. That was the last freaking straw. This nerd was mine.

I increased the pace and he in turn started reciting louder. " Nitrogen, Oxygen, Fluorine, Ne---on."

_Click._

" Holy shit," he moaned and I felt his hand clasp into my hair.

After that it was only a matter of time. Well more like a matter of seconds. Normally I would giggle at his quick reaction but I knew through legend that the lick and click tended to have that kind of effect on guys. Nerdward hadn't stood a chance.

His body trembled and I could feel his fingers tracing the line of my cheek. He was mumbling something I couldn't understand again but he smiled so I knew it was fine. He sat up still panting with wide eyes and flushed cheeks. " Do I pass," I asked grinning.

" I think you just took my job," he panted running his fingers through his hair.

" Then maybe I'll give you homework next time," I added," and in case you have any questions Mr. Cullen.

I had planned this part out ahead of time. Alice was not about to out do me. I pulled the sharpie out of my back pocket jerked his hip and scribbled my number across that glorious Gluteus Maximus.

" Next time," he looked down at me eyeing my pen, " not next time."

Now it was my turn to be confused. He pulled his pants up but didn't bother to fasten them. Instead he pulled me to him and rolled me over. " I was thinking more like right now."

My breath shook along with my vagina. Right now? Like right freaking now? He started running kisses down my chest while I busied myself tangling my fingers in his hair. Its not like I could make it any messier than it already was. He hovered around the hem of my bra nipping at the lace and driving me freaking insane. Right now was definitely a good time.

A loud knock came on the other side of the shelf then a burst of giggles rang out followed by a heavy slap against bare skin. "Rosalie," a voiced hissed.

Edward's eyes immediately flashed up to mine and he panicked. That would have been the completely normal reaction if I hadn't known exactly who our intruders were. He quickly zipped up his pants and grabbed his shirt. " Bella," he whispered, " someone is here!"

" Yes and they are about to get their ass kicked," I whispered back standing up, " ROSALIE, ALICE get your asses on this side of the bookshelf RIGHT NOW."

Edward handed me my shirt as my two best friends slowly peeked their heads around the corner looking guilty as hell. " Sorry," Alice squeaked," we were trying to be quiet."

" ALICE," my teeth were locked together as my frustration leaked out.

" Bella, are these your friends?"

I slid my shirt on and nodded my head. " My stupid, nosey, cock blocking…"

" Yes," Rose interrupted, " and you must be nerdward."

His cheeks flushed red and he held out his hand. " Uh yeah, I'm Edward Cullen. Nice to meet you both."

Rose started to grab his hand but Alice caught it and pulled it back. " Exactly where has that been," she asked examining his hand, " we could only hear over there. We couldn't see anything."

Edward looked at his out stretched hand confused.

" You know don't want to catch the coochie flu," Alice smiled.

I glared at her and you could almost see the evil twinkle in her eyes. It simply screamed "Payback." Hadn't she paid me back enough with that stupid little poem she wrote? Edwards face suddenly went white, " oh no what time is it?"

" Eleven thirty," Alice answered.

" Shit, I'm going to be late for class," he whipped himself around to me and buttoned up his shirt.

He strategically turned so only I could see his face. " Can we umm…finish this later?"

I smiled running my hand over his ass and grabbed. " Call me," I whispered, " you've got my number."

He bit back a smile, " is that what you wrote?"

I nodded and he closed his eyes grinning. " Talk to you soon then," he turned around gathered up his cupcakes and gave the girls a wave goodbye.

I waited until he was out of hearing distance but I turned on them. " What the hell," I screamed.

" Sorry," they both squeaked in unison.

" I'll make it up to you," Alice promised.

I smacked Rose's hand as she reached for a cookie. " Don't you dare," I hissed, " you think you get a nerdward cookie after that."

She pouted her lip out, " fine. Will you at least still come to the baseball game today?"

I grabbed my cookies and stuffed one in my mouth. " Yes," I groaned through the cookie, " you are both buying me hot chocolate!"

I stomped off to go find my books and well I guess attempt to go to class. I glanced down at my poor deprived vagina. It was times like these that I was glad I'm female. At least the whole world couldn't see her disappointment.


	10. Jock

A/N: Funny Story.

I'm watching Tay on Jay Leno last night right? I mean who wasn't? My husband is sitting right next to me totally not paying attention. He was playing on his lap top doing whatever guys do on the internet. ESPN or some shit….I dunno. So the new scene comes on. Tay is jumping up in Bella's window being all jail baitish and he says his line. " I wish I could tell you but I literally can't".

No freaking joke. My husband without even looking up from his computer says, " but if you guessed it."

I missed the rest of the clip because I was staring at my husband. He finally noticed my gawking and was like what? I pointed out that he had just quoted the book. He suddenly tried to be all cool and deny it and he finally just sighed and was like, " can we not tell my friends about this."

I almost fell off the couch laughing at him. He is too cute.

Okay Here is your chapter—2 DAYS!!!!!

Chapter 10: Jock

I had hot chocolate out the whooza that had been so guiltily bought for me by Alice. Rose had yet to buy me a cup but she was currently busy. By busy I mean she was straddling the railing whining like a cat in heat. " Its not faaaaaair," she cried again, " I can't just tackle him like you two did. People make the evening news for that kind of shit."

I took a gulp of my hot chocolate giggling. " You'll just have to find a different place to stalk him," Alice suggested casually offering me some nachos.

Rose turned on her eyes narrowing. " I've tried," she hissed, " I can't not find one single place that boy hangs out other than this damn baseball field."

" How about the locker room," I asked.

" You can't break into a locker room," Alice laughed.

I rolled my eyes. " Its not breaking in if you get lost," I pointed out.

Rose's eyes widened and she jumped off the railing running over to me. " Oh Bella, please come get lost in the locker room with me. PUH-LEASE."

I took another sip of my drink looking over at Alice. She shrugged, " I'll get arrested if you will."

I turned back to Rosalie who had her hands fisted around the arm of my seat. " Let me finish my hot chocolate," I smiled.

She practically tackled me, " oh thank you so much Bella. I will owe you forever!"

"Damn right you will," I hissed throwing back my last drink, " and BOTH of you will never interfere in my alone time with Edward ever again."

" EVER," she promised hugging me to pieces.

" Alright. Alright," I pushed her off and stood up, " lets go stalk a jock."

We waited by the bathroom pretending to have some in depth conversation about a fictional heart throb we all knew while everyone filed out of the stadium after the game. Once the walkway got heavily crowded we slowly made our way toward the back corner. Once we got passed the crowd we had to go into stealth mode. Suddenly the mission impossible theme song started playing through my head. We hid behind columns, peeked around corners and bolted down a staircase clearly marked " Players and Employees Only."

At the edge of the stairs I stopped and carefully glanced around the corner. Players and coaches were slowly filing out of the locker room carrying their bags and slinging the water off their wet hair. I held my hand up signaling for them to wait. Rose had climbed up on my back trying to peer around the corner but I managed to shake her off. "Patience," I whispered.

The horde of people finally slowed down and Rose was pushing against my back. " Hurry or we will miss him," she complained.

" We won't miss him idiot," I hissed, " he'll be the last one out."

" How do you know that?"

"He's the star player Rose. I'm sure he had to do a ton of interviews after the game, which means he'll be the last one to leave. "

It had been about five minutes and no one had emerged so I gave Rosalie the go ahead. We walked down the hall pretending to be thoroughly confused and one by one backed our way through the locker room door. Once inside the room opened into a giant empty space. Large navy blue lockers outlined the walls of the room and the floor was littered with towels, socks and other smelly weird things I didn't feel the need to inspect. Rose looked around disappointed. " He left already," she whined but before I opened my mouth we heard a noise.

We all three jumped. Technically Rose and Alice jump at me as if I was some grand protector. Little did they know I was about to high tail it out of there and leave them for dead. However that wasn't necessary and I shoved them off me. " It's the shower," I groaned, " he turned on the shower."

Rose's eyes lit up like she'd seen the Holy Grail. " No Rose," I ordered, " we are not busting in on somebody in the shower."

" But Bella," she whined, " he's all hot and wet and NAKED."

"NO."

Somebody had to keep her under control. Unlike Alice and I, Rosalie had no boundaries or fear of consequences. She snarled at me turning to the lockers. She ran her hand the sides inspecting the name plates above each one. Surprise, surprise at whose she stopped at. The door was cracked with a pair of shorts hanging off the edge. She slid her hand inside opening it. Her other hand darted inside pulling out a piece of clothing. She smirked as she held them up. In her hands she held a pair of skimpy under armor undies. She stretched them out watching them contract back. " Oh can you just imagine," she sighed.

Alice eyed them warily. " How the hell does he fit all of that in those little things."

" I will find out," Rose vowed, " and I will report back."

The water suddenly cut off replaced by a loud booming voice singing. We panicked. Rose slung the shorts up in the air and we started frantically turning in circles searching for a place to hide. I let out a very frantic yet silent squeal of terror. I quickly motioned the girls backward. I hastily started jerking down locker handles like they were the zipper on nerdward's pants.

Locked. Shit.

Locked. Damn it.

Locked. Mother fucker.

Click.

Alice was the nearest to me so I grabbed her and shoved her in. I followed after her and Rose was trying to stick her foot in but she wouldn't fit. The booming voice who was now singing, " oh darlin," was just on the side of the corner. I mouthed sorry and shut the door in Rose's horrified face. That's what she gets for not buying me hot chocolate. I heard her curse me under her breath before the loud singing suddenly cut off. There was silence for about five seconds before I heard a very familiar yet explicit seductive voice say, " hello Emmett."

" Umm, hello," he stuttered back.

I was trying to crane down and place my ear to the edge of the slit in the door so I could hear better but there was just no room to budge in here. Not to mention it smelled liked rotten jock straps. Alice had managed to bring her fingers up and clamp her nose off.

" I'm Rosalie Hale," she cooed still laying on the charm.

" Yeah, I remember. You do know you're in the guys locker room right?"

" Huh? What? Really? I had no idea."

That a girl. Alice giggled and I jabbed her in the ribs. That's right Rose play dumb. Its what you do best honey. Her voice got smoother with a hint of pout, " I got separated from my friends on the way out of the stadium and I got lost."

" Well that wasn't very nice of them to go off and leave you," he said letting out a laugh.

" Yeah they are quiet the little bitches," and I could only imagine the bitch fest she was having at my expense in her head right now.

There was silence again and I struggled to bend down. I shoved Alice and she hit me back but I managed to crane down low enough to peek through the top slit. I saw flesh and a bright white towel. " I'm not interrupting anything am I," Rose asked innocently.

" No," he blurted out but quickly regained his composure, " I was just taking a shower."

" And I missed it," she giggled and suddenly her ass was blocking the view of Emmett's white towel.

I started beating Alice in the side, " she's going for it!"

" For what," Alice asked eagerly.

" The towel!"

I heard a few more mumbling sounds that I couldn't make out and the next thing I knew a blur of white was heading for my face. The towel hit the outside of our locker and Alice gasped with a huge smile on her face.

Bow chica wow wow.

Alice and I were trying desperately to hold in our giggles of excitement as moans erupted from the outside. I bent back down and Rose had Emmett pinned down on top of a bench….butt naked. " Whats happening," Alice hissed down at me.

" I think she is going for the home run Alice," I giggled, " Rose isn't fucking playing out there."

If I could have seen Alice's face I knew she would be rolling her eyes right now. " Just like her," Alice groaned, " she never learned how to run the bases."

I peaked out and instantly wished I hadn't. Stark white flesh was heading our way. I quickly cupped my hand over Alice's mouth just in time for the impact. Alice screamed into my hand as Rose's backside slammed into the locker. How had Emmett stripped her clothes off that fast?

Psht. Who was I kidding? This was Rose. She was probably commando. I removed my hand off of Alice's mouth as she gasped at me in horror. The moans were definitely a lot louder and more distinct now. " YEEEEES!"

Alice gave me a ' oh no he isn't' look but then it started.

The pounding.

I thought the locker was going to cave in. Alice and I grabbed each other craning away from the door as much as possible as Rosalie's ass slammed into it over and over again. If that wasn't bad enough my phone started vibrating in my pocket. Alice felt it on her leg and practically dismantled the inside of the locker. Luckily Emmie Lou was distracted out there or I was for he would have heard that one.

I slid the phone out of my pocket attempting to get a look at the number. It was local but it wasn't a number in my contact list. It was Edward.

Shit.

I couldn't answer it right now. Not with the McFreakster's going at it on the outside of the door. Alice was silently yelling at me to answer it. I glanced toward the number and then back at the imploding door.

Shit.

" Hello," I whispered into the receiver just about the time Rose let out another scream.

" Uhhh…Bella?"

" Yes."

" This is Edward, what the hell is in the background?"

" Uhh….uhhh…," I stuttered as Alice was urging me with her eyes, " Alice is watching an episode of True Blood. Them vampires are nymphos."

" Umm, yeah I'll take your word for it. I was calling to see if you wanted to get together later?"

There was a loud boom on the outside of the door and it literally bent inward. Alice nearly shrieked. " Sounds great Edward," I rushed frantically, " how about you come to my house around eight? I'll text you the address, see you then!"

I quickly shut off the phone as glass shattering shrieks of pleasures rang out. Well at least the pounding had stopped. It got quiet after that except for the heavy panting. I kept trying to calm Alice down but she was acting like R Kelly was trying to break into her closet. There was light mumbling outside the door but I didn't bother to try and listen. I wasn't in the mood to hear Rosalie's acceptance speech for slut of the week.

I waited five minutes before even attempting to take a peak outside. When I did I saw Emmett standing next to his locker wearing that stretchy contraption he called boxers. He'd fit it all in surprisingly but it sure didn't leave anything to the imagination. I had the sudden urge to get the hell out of this stink hole and down me a nerd. Luckily Rose lured Emmett out of the room within minutes.

We busted open the door gasping for fresh air. Alice started heaving it in like it was the last breath she would ever get to take. " Its official," Alice panted, " we have got to start fucking like normal people."

I shook my head in agreement as I tried to fan the stink away from me. " A flat surface and some sheets have never sounded better," I muttered grabbing her arm.

I pulled her outside sneaking out a back exit. We rounded our way to the parking lot expecting to see Rose waiting for us at the car but she wasn't there. Instead we spotted her laying on the hood of a black Cadillac about two hundred yards in the distance with Mount Emmett hovering over her.

She could find her own way home. I jumped in the car and Alice quickly followed. I had a date to prepare for...... and well panties to change.


	11. Fangs

A/N: Sorry it took so long. I mean NEW MOON is a pretty damn good excuse to be all late on posting lol So this chapter is the set up chapter. That's all I'm going to say about it … you will just have to wait and see. *evil laugh*

Chapter 11: Fangs

I had a plan. That alone should tell you tonight was going to fucking rock. I was good with plans. I am a very detailed oriented kind of gal, which makes my plans just all the more great. This particular plan was full of details. I had it broken down into stages. Accomplishing minor tasks helped build up to accomplishing the over all goal. The goal being getting nerdy beef cake between my sheets tonight. Edward could have his own plans for all I knew. When I sent him my address he simply replied with a " see ya then cupcake."

So I officially had no clue as to what his intentions were for the evening, but I knew very well about mine. Stage One consisted of sexing my style up. I was pretty well known for rocking the college life style look but I could be a vixen when I wanted. I too owned a pair of hoochie boots, I just chose not to unleash them on every random poor soul walking down the street like Alice. I enjoyed the element of surprise.

Stage two consisted of buttering him up with food. I mean that was a given. If its not broke don't fix it right? I would have him eating out of my hand or off my body one way or another. That would essentially lead straight into stage three.

The doorbell rang and I practically jumped out of my panties. I took one last look in the mirror.

Sexy low cut black sweater.

_Check._

Cooter cleavage leather mini.

Check.

Hoochie boots.

_Tap. Tap._

I swung the door open thirsting to see my nerdilicious perfection. I bit my lip in preparation and squeezed my legs together. Here we go….

" Hello Bella."

I stood there. I just stood there. In the place of my oh so perfect nerd stood a……a cowboy. I was so fucking confused. It was definitely Edward. His piercing blue eyes still bore into me as he ran his fingers through those bronze locks. However there were no skinny jeans and most importantly there were no black-rimmed glasses. Instead there were blue jeans, a plaid shirt and boots. I blinked my eyes thinking that something had gone terribly wrong. Had it finally happened? Had Alice finally taken over the world and followed through on her threat to pass a cowboy all day everyday law?

He noticed my utter confusion and smirked at me. Did he think this was come kind of joke? Because it WAS NOT funny.

" Bella," he smiled, " I can explain."

I waited with my hands on my hips. There had better be a damn good excuse for this. " I would have told you earlier on the phone but you seemed rather busy," he leaned up against the door frame, " would you attend a party with me tonight? A costume party?"

A costume. A costume party. Oh thank god. Oh goodness thank you. It was only temporary. It was just a costume. However I needed to make sure. I needed to be absolutely positive. " And this," I asked pointing at the ridiculous get up, " this is your costume for the evening?"

" Yes," he laughed, " do I normally look like this?"

No. Definitely not.

" So will you be my date? Or did I just waste fifty bucks on this rockin' plaid shirt for no reason," he grinned.

I gave myself a second to pout. My plan would have to wait. " I can throw something together I suppose," I agreed.

" You can invite your friends if you want," he explained walking inside and shutting the door, "it is a party after all."

I didn't really want Alice within fifty feet of him right now but I didn't feel like explaining that. " I could give them a call," I yelled out running to my room.

I grabbed my cell as I ran for the closet. I didn't bother calling Rose. I'd had front row seats for that show without getting a concert call. So I called Alice. She answered on the first ring. " Yesssss… my precious Bella bee?"

" Grab your red stilettos bitch we've got a party to attend."

I threw myself into the back on my walk in closet digging through boxes searching for one in particular. " Huh? I thought you would be…"

I stopped her. " Yeah I did too. Look he invited us to a party so we are going. Be in costume and ready within the hour."

" Costume? Hell yeah! Are you bringing the?"

" Yes," I grunted pulling out a little red box, " I'm bringing the fangs."

I heard giggling as the phone clicked. I busted out of the closet and ran for the bathroom. Fifteen minutes later I heard a light tap on the door. " May I," Edward asked walking in.

" Sure," I yelled out, " I'm just finishing up."

I checked my hair before strutting out into my bedroom. He sat on the edge of my bed and I watched is eyes rake down me. I knew the hoochie boots were a good idea. I took in a sharp breath. Could he look any hotter on my bed? My eyes locked on his the absence of the buffer stinging at me and I realized that he could in fact look SO much hotter. " I'm not complaining," he smiled eyeing my legs again, " but you haven't even changed. What have you been doing in here?"

I smiled revealing the pointed fangs now securely attached to my canines.

" Oh."

I couldn't help but laugh as he immediately set upright on the bed. " Holy hell Bella," he grunted.

I purred running my tongue over them as I walked toward him. I sat on his lap and ran my fingers down his face. " You look so tasty," I smiled, " I might have to make you my snack later. You are my new favorite flavor after all."

A low rumbling erupted from his chest as his hand tinkered around the hem of my mini skirt. " We don't get many girls like you out here on the ranch," he laughed imitating his best John Wayne voice.

I whipped myself around until I was straddling his waist. " I bet you don't," I whispered in his ear, " how about you take me out to the barn and lets have a little fun in the hay loft."

" Yes mam," he smiled in my neck.

I was starting to understand Alice's fascination. I had to admit this was kind of fun. I kissed my way down his neck enjoying his sweet taste. I opened my mouth letting the fangs graze his skin and I suddenly felt his hands grip my ass and pull me back. " Not yet," he grunted, " later."

I leaned up looking him in the eye and stuck my lip out. " I'm thirsty," I whined.

He bit his lip and closed his eyes. " I promise you can do whatever you want to me later," he grinned, " well except for one tiny thing."

" What," I asked suddenly curious.

He leaned in letting his tongue play around my lips and then he ran it across the fangs before pulling me in for a kiss. " Keep those things," he laughed licking the fangs again, " away from my dick."

" No problem," I smiled, " I have better plans for it anyway."

His eyes widened as I got up. I was left to admire the full effect through his new wranglers. " You're going to need to put that away before we pick up Alice," I advised giggling to myself, " or I won't be able to assure your safety."

" Is it a long drive?"

" No."

" Then maybe we should walk because I'm going to need a minute after that."

I nodded and took his hand. Once outside he leaned in closer wrapping his arm around me as we walked. " I can't let anything happen to my naughty little vampire tonight," he whispered.

" I have to admit," I said snuggling closer, " this is a pretty exciting first date."

" Well you are the first reason I've had to get my nose out the books since school started, so I figured I should take full advantage."

We took our time walking. I wasn't in any hurry. I finally got the chance to learn more about him. I found out he was originally from Chicago only coming to Washington due to the all expenses paid scholarship he'd earn. He was an only child like myself, and he had an over protective mother who thought he was surely going to die of starvation. I made a mental note to start adding actual meals in with the sweet treats. I couldn't let my nerd function on sugar alone. He needed to get a little protein in there.

By the time we made it to Alice's apartment the conversation had diluted to his obsession with classic cars and my hidden passion to be photographer. I stood outside Alice's door for a minute trying to decide if this was a good idea or not. I was taking a hot cowboy into Alice's house. I was surprised there weren't some kind of warning siren's going off upon his arrival on her doorstep. " What are you waiting for," he whispered.

" Oh nothing," I mumbled making three short knocks on the door.

Alice quickly slung it open pulling me inside. " Hey guys! I am so excited about this! Give me the fangs I've got to finish the outfit," she squealed rambling a hundred miles a minute as she grabbed the little red box out of my hands.

She was about to turn around for the bathroom when she finally noticed him. She stopped dead still. It was as if she'd frozen into a statue. Edward's cheeks blushed under her stare and I gave her a quick stab to the ribs. " Alice," I warned, " Edward has chosen to dress up as a cowboy tonight for his costume."

" I can see that," she whispered almost breathless.

" I'm guess you are going as a vampire as well," he asked eyeing the box in her hand.

She just nodded. I squeezed her shoulder trying to bring her out of it. I didn't want the horny to burst out when the shock faded. " I'll be right back," she panted, " by the way. I invited Jasper he should be here any minute."

" That's great," I assured her shoving her toward the bathroom, " I'll be right back Edward. I'm going to help Alice with her fangs."

I shoved her in the bathroom and locked the door behind us. " Alice," I warned again.

" Bella," she sighed, " what the hell were you thinking letting him come in my house like that."

" I had no idea," I laughed, " imagine my surprise when he showed up on my door step like that."

" You better be glad Jasper is coming with us," she admitted opening up the box of fangs, " and hell I still can't promise anything. Especially after a couple shots tonight."

" Just remember he is still a dorky nerd underneath. At least that's what I will be telling myself all night."

She smirked as she started to apply her fangs. Soon we were ready and just had to wait for Jasper to arrive. I made sure to keep myself firmly planted between the cowboy and Alice the entire time. She kept throwing me wicked smirks just to piss me off. I had never been happier to hear a damn doorbell ring. Alice opened the door and from the angle where we stood I couldn't see Jasper on the other side. Whatever his costume was had left Alice speechless. " Oh shit," she panted.

I heard Jasper's slow southern drawl coming from the other side. " Hellooooooo Miss Alice. Don't you look mighty fine this evening."

She instantly smiled but quickly turned to me with a panicked look on her face. I looked at her confused not understanding what the problem could be. Jasper walked in placing his arm around Alice's shoulder. " Hey y'all," he greeted, " thanks for inviting us to the party."

I tried to gasp but the air caught in my throat. This couldn't be fucking happening. I heard Edward laugh next to me. " So are like a pale Steve Urkel?"

Jasper's face brightened, " exactly! I thought the suspenders may be a little much but I figured what the hell why not?"

Why not? I bet Alice could give a list of why nots right now. He pushed the large awkward glasses up his nose and snapped his suspenders. " So what do you think Miss Bella? Can I pass as nerd for the evening?"

" Don't answer that," Alice snapped.

Jasper ignored her as he inspected Edward's outfit. " Cowboy," he asked and Edward nodded.

" You wanna borrow my hat and belt buckle?"

" You have a hat," Edward asked his eyes beaming and Alice's face went a couple shades lighter.

" Yeah actually its here. Alice asked me to bring it over to show her the other night," he explained.

I stifled a giggle. " I bet she did," I smirked at her.

Jasper trotted off with Edward to retrieve what I'm sure were props in Alice's last rendezvous with Mr. Huckleberry. As soon as they left sight she was shaking me in pure freak out mode. " What are we going to do," she hissed.

" What do you mean," I laughed, " I think its kind of funny. I mean what are the odds?"

" We have to make them switch," she pressed more seriously.

I rolled my eyes. " Come on Alice. They have to the nerd and the southern gentlemen every single day of their lives. Let them live a fantasy for one night. They will both go back to normal tomorrow."

She crossed her arms and pouted her lip out. " We could always just switch for the night," I joked but it got the response I wanted.

She slapped me. " Stay away from my cowboy."

" Well I can't promise anything after a couple shots."

She was shooting me daggers when the boys came back in the room. Edward was now adorned in a cowboy hat and a large gold belt buckle. I heard Alice whimper next to me. This was just going to be too much fun tonight. " Everyone ready," Edward asked opening the front door.

" Oh yeah," I smiled walking past Jasper, " I am so ready for this."

Just because I couldn't help myself I snapped one of Jasper's suspenders as I went by. " I'm thinking body shots tonight," I cooed and I winked at him revealing my fangs.

If you were quiet enough I would swear you could hear Alice's head explode behind me. Just to be safe I quickly ran and engrossed myself in Edward's arms. " What do you say cowboy? Body shots?"

" I told you I'm yours for the taking tonight oh evil temptress of the night."

" Hmmm….you shouldn't have said that."

I pulled him out the door and we started walking down the street towards our party. Alice even lightened up enough to start skipping with excitement as we rounded the corner. Two vampires, a cowboy and a nerd. I could hear the Twilight zone theme song echoing in my head. This was going to be one hell of a night.


	12. Shots

A/N: I haven't had a lot of time to write because its finals week for my husband and so I'm not allowed to go to the library with him. Apparently I'm a distraction …I mean me? Really? I don't believe it. However the cutest thing in the world happened last night and I must share it. I went on a shopping trip with friends because hubby would be studying all day. I returned last night to find my husband home instead of at the library. He is sitting in the floor holding a blanket cradled like a baby. The following conversation ensues:

Me: What do you have?

Hubby: Umm…. A puppy?

Me: (walks over to see tiny little puppy in his arms) Where the hell did you get a puppy?

Hubby: Ummm…. A guy outside wal mart?

Me: Huh?

Hubby: I was studying and I ran out of highlighters so I went to wal mart to buy more. There was this guy giving away puppies and it was SO COLD outside. It was shaking and whining and it literally BEGGED me to bring it home.

Me: (trying to hold in my laughter at how desperately cute this is) So what are going to do with the puppy now?

Hubby: (Holds blanket up towards me) Ummm… Merry Christmas?

Yes. This actually happened. I am the official owner of a new puppy. You should probably say a prayer for the puppy right about now lol or well Little Jake. Just kidding...dont' worry about Jake. He will be superbly taken care of and loved to pieces.

**Chapter 12: Shots**

We ended up at one of the local establishments and the place was packed. I could hear the music booming out the front door from a block away.

" So the game is called I've never," Jasper explained handing out shots around the table, " I'm guessing you know the rules."

" Yes," I rolled my eyes, " if you have done it then you take a shot."

" Umm don't you think we should maybe ease into this? I mean hard core shots right off the bat might not be the best idea," Edward cautioned.

" Pony up cowboy," Alice smirked, " or is that belt buckle all you're packing."

His eyes narrowed at her. " I am more concerned with Bella and yourself," he pointed out, " I can handle it."

" We'll see," she grinned, " I've done a lot of things but I've never watched porn on my laptop during class."

Without moving their heads, both their eyes shot toward each other. "Pussies."

I picked my glass up and took my shot.

" Bella?"

Edward was looking at me with his mouth open. " What? Girls can watch porn. Its not against the law."

Jasper sniggered and took his shot. " Definitely not Bells," Jasper grunted slamming his glass against the table, " you mind if I call you Bells?"

" Tonight? Tonight you can call me anything you want," I smiled winking at him.

Alice kicked me under the table. " So you taking the shot or not cowboy," I asked looking down at his glass.

He sighed and shrugged his shoulders. " I've never watched porn in class."

" Nerd," Jasper laughed pushing his glasses up his nose.

Edward snorted pouring Jasper and I another round. " My turn," Jasper announced, " I've done a lot of things but I have never kissed anyone of the opposite sex."

They both stared at us. They stared at us with evil cock eyed grins. Alice and I glanced at each other and set back in our seats. " Come on," Jasper pouted, " I know better."

" She's not my type," we both stated at the same time smirking.

Alice looked over at Edward and quickly looked down at his glass. " What," he asked.

" Nothing," she smiled, " I mean a guy who doesn't watch porn in class. I just thought maybe…"

" Ha. Ha. Funny Alice," he groaned, " my turn. I've done a lot of things but I have never SPIED on my best friend in the library."

Alice's nose wrinkled up but she took her shot like a champ. It was my turn. I was determined to get alcohol in that boys system. I wrecked my brain trying to figure out something I could say that would force Edward to take a shot. It was times like these that made me wish I was more innocent. Then again if I was that innocent I probably wouldn't be trying to get my date drunk. Alice could tell I was thinking hard and I noticed she started doing some crude gestures toward her mouth. Then it finally hit me what she was trying to convey. " I have done a lot of things but I've never received oral sex in a public place," I stated.

Jasper quickly downed his shot. " A broom closet counts right?"

Alice gave him a quick nod before she downed her own and I patiently waited for Edward. He raised the glass to his lips and smiled at me. " Tonight will be the last time you'll get to use that one on me."

He took his shot to a round of howls from the rest of the table. The party was officially starting. Thirty minutes and a bottle of vodka later we had moved our party over to a booth in the corner. The game had changed. " Bet you girls two shots slutty ghost buster over there has on a thong," Jasper wagered holding out his glass.

" Nope," I accepted, " commando."

" How the hell do you two think we are even going to find that out," Edward asked just about the time the drunk girl bent over flashing a full view of her naked ass.

" Damn it," Jasper cursed, " how could you tell?"

I shrugged, " if you can slut up the ghost busters then you are just that kind of girl."

" Take your shots," Alice eagerly reminded him as she leaned over and nudged Edward as well.

" What? I didn't bet anything."

" Jasper is officially representing the males in this game," she explained.

I whole heartily agreed and he took his double round out of fear of getting called a pussy again. You just got to love the male ego. I stood up and realized I had hit that spot. That grand little spot in my alcohol tolerance level that was right between sauced and take me home honey. I knew Alice realized it too as soon as I heard her giggle. " Oh Willis Richard Fitzwright how I have missed you," she smiled, " and its not even a holiday!"

The boys looked utterly confused. " Will his dick fit right is my drunk name," I explained, " I would like you to meet Jack Mioffski."

Jasper was turning back and forth between Alice and I, " you two are the weirdest girls I have ever met."

" Willis," Alice screamed standing up, " I think its time we showed these boys how to have a good time."

" Wait a second," I asked, " what level of a good time are we talking about here?"

Alice went into deep concentration as she looked down and inspected the boys. " Under current circumstance I would suggest Level 4 at least until we get the cowboy a little more drunk."

" My cowboy or your cowboy?"

" Both," she grinned.

" Works for me," I grabbed Edwards hand pulling him up as Alice repeated the gesture on Jasper.

We drug them toward the bar. " Jack," I yelled, " whats the order for tonight?"

" Do you even have to ask," she laughed pushing Jasper against the bar, " BODY SHOTS."

Jasper's eyes lit up and he immediately jumped up on the bar. Edward was more hesitant so I gave him an encouraging slap on the ass. Okay so it was more for my benefit than his but it still got the point across and he obeyed. I crawled up on a stool and started ripping buttons open. " Should I leave the suspenders," Alice asked snapping one of them.

" Please?"

" Then you don't touch the hat," she ordered.

I ran my hand down Edward's now bare chest and smiled. " I could care less about the hat right now."

I handed Edward the bottle before placing my head at the body of his stomach looking up at him. He realized his cue and poured the shot down his chest. I let my fangs scratch against his chest before letting my tongue slip out licking up my shot. The shot burned my throat but Edward tasted too damn good to stop. I was about to sink my teeth in for a real taste when I heard a high pitch shrill from behind me. " What the fuck? I know you two are kinky but DAMN."

I shot a look over my shoulder to find Rosalie standing behind us with her eyebrows raised glancing between my half naked cowboy and the nerd that was currently getting violated by Alice. I turned around and gave her a fang filled smile, which she returned. " I got your message," she winked at us, " how could I possibly resist a costume party?"

Her own fangs burst out through her smile. That's when I noticed Emmett standing behind her dressed like a lumberjack. A lumberjack with about eight fang sized hickeys on his neck. I rolled my eyes. She had the nerve to call me kinky. " Want to join the fun," I asked pointing to the empty spot next to Edward up on the bar.

" I don't think so," Edward retorted as he jumped off the bar grabbing me around my waist, " your turn is over."

He swung me around flashing me a smile before he dropped to his knees. I felt the cool liquid between to drip down my leg as he poured out the shot. His tongue pressed hot against my inner thigh as I grabbed onto the back of the bar for support. It instantly started moving up sparking electricity into every part of me. He kept going even after he surpassed the spot were he had started the shot. His tongue flicked teasingly along the edge of my panty line as his hand slipped up the back of my skirt. I grabbed a fist full of bronze hair jerking his head back so I could look down at his face. " That's it," I stuttered as the ripple of ecstasy continued down my spine, " change clothes right now."

He looked up at me confused and I just turned to Jasper. " You two need to change clothes RIGHT NOW."

" Are you serious," Jasper laughed.

" Yes," Alice and I stated at the same time.

I knew Alice would back me up on this. Edward stood up encircling me in his arms smirking down at me. " We can't change clothes in the middle of a bar," he smiled.

" Yes you can," Alice argued, " and you will."

Worried looks ran across both their faces as I heard Emmett chuckle behind them. " I would suggest you do whatever the hell they want," he smiled gesturing toward the marks on his neck, " trust me you don't want to disobey a vampire."

Edward looked down at me waiting for me to say something, hoping for me to let him off the hook. " Strip it," I ordered, " pants and all."

Jasper eagerly started unhooking his suspenders as Alice worked on his jeans. " We are REALLY doing this," Edward asked but I ignored him jerking off his shirt.

I threw it over to Alice who threw me back a white button up with red and yellow stripped suspenders. My mouth watered as I watched Edward unbutton his jeans. The exchange was quick and hardly anyone in the bar noticed. There was only one thing left. I pulled the hat off Edwards's head and trotted over to Jasper. I smiled brilliantly at him before coveting his glasses. " You were cute while it lasted," I smiled handing him the hat.

" Thanks Miss Bella," he grinned and I heard Alice growl over his shoulder.

I couldn't tell whether it was due to the fact that I told Jasper he was cute or the fact that Jasper had put on the cowboy hat. Probably a little of both. I quickly returned to Edward placing the glasses delicately on his face. " Better now," he scoffed adjusting them on his nose.

" Much."

I wrapped my fingers around one of his suspenders and pulled. " Well its been fun," I shouted over my shoulder as I dragged him threw the crowd.

" Where are we going oh evil mistress of the night?"

" Somewhere dark and abandoned."

I felt my feet lift off the ground. Edward wrapped my legs around his waist as he carried me more swiftly through the crowd. " Then what?"

I giggled innocently placing my face between his neck and shoulder. I let my tongue graze across the skin. " I told you that you were my new favorite flavor right?"

I sunk my teeth in, fangs and all. He grunted loudly gripping his fingers across my ass just as we busted threw the back door of the bar into the alley. I lapped my tongue over the bruised skin hoping to sooth the pain. " Mmm…nerdward."


	13. Merry

Chapter 13: Merry

I could officially be the poster girl for one of those weird porn websites. I'm not talking about playboy or girls gone wild. I'm talking about the ones that pop up when you accidentally type white dragon instead of little white wagon. I was currently up against an alley wall dressed like a vampire gone street walker with the tongue of a suspender sporting nerd inching up the inside of my thigh.

I twitched every time the rim of his glasses would scrape against my skin. I desperately tried to lower myself down making his tongue rise up faster but he held me firmly in place against the wall. I balled my fingers up in his hair tugging just hard enough for him to get the point. The point being that teasing me like this was going to land him on his back ready to learn that this vampire sought out something a little more risqué than a little blood.

" Patience," he whispered letting his breath run up my leg.

I panted harder unconcerned that someone could walk out the back door and find us at any second. His fingers began to trace the line of his tongue until they reached the corner of my panty line. I whined when they stopped. His teeth started grazing up my leg taking small bites every few seconds. As soon as he reached his finger, he jerked my panties aside letting his tongue invade me.

" Oh Nerdward!"

My head fell back against the wall as I desperately tried to hold it together. My legs started trembling as my fingers tightened in his hair. The sensation was overwhelming and I knew my excitement was dripping down my leg. I clenched my eyes together trying to concentrate on something else so I could manage to keep the sensation without throwing myself over the edge.

I started repeating nursery rhymes in my head.

Little Bo Peep has lost her sheep….." Oh shit," and she doesn't know where to find them.

His tongue lapped over me, sucking me in just the right spot. I knew little Bo Beep wasn't going to suffice. I just had to admit it. I was little miss muffet sitting on her nerd tuffet while he ate her curds and whey.

" Edward," I breathed, " I'm about to…"

His free hand snaked around my back and grabbed my ass pulling me down to him as he went deeper in me. I was gone. My knees buckled as the muscles in my stomach lit of fire. I wanted to collapse on top of him but he held me firmly in place.

He slowed his rhythm as he began to hum a contented chorus. I released my hold on him as I panted in breaths. " So that's how you tame a vampire," he asked grinning up at me.

I wanted to scowl but I felt too damn good. " Tame me," I laughed pulling him up to face me, " you just unleashed me."

His eyes almost seemed to sparkle behind his glasses. I grabbed hold of one of his suspenders and began to pull. " Come on," I encouraged, " I'm in need of a flat surface."

He eagerly followed me down the alley until we came to the street. " That's flat," he pointed to a hood of a car on the side of the street.

" Umm, not quiet what I'm looking for."

We continued to walk, or well I continued to walk and pull his ass along with me. " That's flat," he suggested again, now pointing to a bench sitting in front of the bus stop sign.

" Patience," I laughed tugging him along faster.

He didn't realize but I already had a specific flat surface in mind and it was only a half block away. He moaned behind me as we trudged on. " You know," he pointed out, " its kind of difficult to walk in this condition."

I sniggered. I pulled him up to my back letting my hand run over the source of his tortuous condition. His hands gripped my thighs as he shoved himself up against my ass. I pushed him off. " No humping the vampire," I teased, " or she might get overly excited and bite somewhere she has been forbidden to do so."

I gave him another sensual rub before bolting up the street. He quickly followed. The trees started to get slightly thicker and I knew we were close. Sure enough just in front of us to left was the desired nerdficing flat surface I had been in search of.

We were at the Grove City Park. The trees were thick and it was completely abandoned. I drug him closer. " Where are we going," he asked anxiously.

I stopped dead still smiling to myself. I raised my hand and pointed into the distance. " Now that's what you call a flat surface," I explained.

He squinted trying to consume the darkness. He glanced down at me raising a questioning eye. " A merry-go-round?"

I smiled. " Why do you think they call it a merry-go-round?"

I snapped his suspender and grinned when it popped. " So you are a kinky mistress of the night," he smiled.

I grabbed him and started pushing him backwards. I maneuvered him into just the right spot before pushing him back. He fell with a slight bang against the metal. I worried that I might have been too rough, but he just grinned up at me.

The cool sting of the metal hissed against my skin as I climbed over him. I gave one tiny push with my left back foot sending us spinning just for the hell of it. It only made since to go around while we got our merry on. I crawled up and straddled him, playing with the buttons along his shirt. I officially had my prey in sight and now it was time for the kill. I slid the suspenders off his shoulders as I bent down to run kisses and light bites along his neck.

His hand ran up the back of my skirt gripping me tightly. " Who is teasing now," he moaned pulling me forward.

I halted my attack just long enough to start relieving him of unnecessary garments. As it turns out, it was all pretty unnecessary. I slid his shirt open only to be distracted by the firm lines of his chest. I itched to taste every single inch of him. My lips caught the edge of his stomach as my fingers played with the buttons of his jeans.

I was about to let my hand take the plunge when he flipped me over. My back fell against the cool metal. " I don't think so vampy," he giggled into my ear, " the nerd teaches the lessons."

My tongue licked across my fangs as I arched myself up into him. He pushed his glasses up his nose before flinging himself on top of me. He felt so good against me. His body was grinding against my own as he desperately sought to push my skirt higher up my legs. I busied myself with his neck while he prepared. I was determined to follow his lead. Even kinky mistresses of the night could be good little students.

He pulled back hovering over me and I reflexively scooted myself down into position. He ran his hand lightly over my thigh squeezing it gently. I placed my hands around his lower back and held on. He entered me slowly running his nose across my cheek. I didn't realize he was holing his breath until moaned through gritted teeth. I pulled up against him needing more.

He held his balance with his right arm as he gripped the other around backside. He started out slow, moving in a smooth steady rhythm as he hissed out his pleasure. When my fingers dug into his back he started picking up the pace. My hips were moving in tandem with his, lusting for that deep connection every time he pulled away.

I leaned my head back so I could look up at his face. I wanted to watch his eyes close in pleasure behind his glasses. I wanted to watch them inch down his nose as the force in which he entered me jarred them out of place. Most importantly, I wanted to push them back up his nose and watch him smile as the gesture.

I knew he was getting close when he buried his face in my shoulder. It was a sure sign he was trying to hold on. I knew that feeling. I loved that feeling. I loved stumbling along that edge between bliss and ecstasy. I could feel myself approaching the cliff. He grabbed one of my legs puling it up and over his shoulder. I squealed at the new sense of pleasure the slight change in position had caused. My hands gripped onto his shoulder and ran up to his hair.

He was encouraged by the sense of urgency I was portraying. He grabbed my other leg and pushed it up as he loomed over me. " Let me see your fangs," he moaned as he dived deeper in me.

I smiled as the pleasure ripped through me. " Nerdward," I squeaked clenching onto him for support as I fell over the edge for the second time.

He soon followed me letting my legs go and falling gently onto my stomach. I could feel his heart beat against my chest. It was running rampant. He placed subtle, tired kisses along my collarbone. We lay there for a few minutes too consumed by our own glorious fortune to move. I felt him smile against my skin. " What," I breathed running my fingers along his bare back.

" Alice is going to bring this up EVERY TIME we play I have never now," he laughed.

" True," I agreed, " but you have my permission to shoot back with a bathroom stall at the pirate museum."

He raised his head up to look at me. " Pirate museum?"

" It was a Johnny Depp thing….don't ask."

He just shook his head and laid back against my chest. I closed my eyes enjoying every last second. I felt a vibration against my shoulder. I tilted my head up and listened harder to realize that Edward was now humming the Imperial March as he twisted a string of my hair around his finger. I giggled and flicked the edge of his glasses. " What," he asked glancing up, " too nerdy for you?"

" No," I smiled rubbing his cheek, " just nerdy enough."


	14. Morning

Chapter 14: Morning

Someone should warn you that waking up with your bare ass against metal might not be the most pleasant experience. In all honesty it stung like hell and I fretted that it might be frost bitten, which I'm sure wouldn't be very attractive. I rose up on my elbows spitting hair out of my mouth, quickly realizing that I was still wearing my fangs. I groaned. It was hard to enjoy the excesses of your night out on the town when you woke with sunlight beaming down in your eyes. That was one fact that vampires got right.

I felt all too certain that my mood was in a downward deterioration until I looked further down my naked body that lay across the merry-go-round. At first glance it looked as if I had four legs and an extra set of arms coming out of my waist, but upon further focused inspection it became all too clear that the extra appendages belonged to an extremely hung over, yet unbearably adorable nerd. Edward's face was snuggled on my stomach, his glasses a rye of his face, leading down to his glorious little ass that bounced sunlight off of it like a crystal.

I chuckled to myself. It would be a good morning after all it seems. I took the opportunity and ran my fingers through his tousled locks, which caused him to smile in his sleep. I smiled brilliantly in return. My stomach decided it was too impatient to wait for me and rumbled loudly into Edward's ear causing him to stir. He grunted, shifting his face around on my stomach, as his eyes fluttered open. He quickly winced as soon as the light invaded and his grunt turned into an outright moan of agony.

I laughed letting my hand run down to the back of his neck. " Good morning to you too sunshine."

He looked up at me from under his messy hair and grinned sheepishly. " Who let that damn thing out of its cage?" He asked throwing the sun a scowling look.

" Beats me." I shrugged. " But it's probably a warning. You know like BEWARE innocent children may start arriving soon."

Edward slowly rose up on his hands until he looked into my eyes. " Are you trying to say that having sex on a play ground isn't appropriate in the day time?" A small smirk developed on his lips.

" Not me." I assured him. " But other people, less adventurous people, would disagree with me."

" Oh." He laughed.

" Unfortunately for us some of those people carry badges that allow them to put handcuffs on us and charge us with silly crimes like public indecency."

His mouth dropped open in mock horror. " The bastards!"

I nodded my head in agreement. " The way of the daylight world."

He scoffed loudly rolling over. " Then I much prefer the night. May I roam the dark abyss of the midnight realm with you?"

My lips smoothed into a line as I pretended to think it over. " I'll think about it." I said tapping my finger on my chin. "However, I'd be much more inclined to agree if I wasn't so hungry."

His eyes rose as his hand traced down his neck over the dark bruises I'd left. " You mean I wasn't enough to satisfy you?"

" You were just a snack." I licked my lips enticingly. " But if you want I'll make a meal out of you later."

He chuckled darkly as he sat up and for the first time revealed his prominent hard on. He caught my eyes dragging over it as a different kind of hunger hit my system. " I'll remember that." He told me.

So would I.

He stood up reaching out his hand to me. I took it allowing him to help me up. I stood there watching in a daze as he fumbled around gathering up our clothes. He threw me an odd look as he handed me my panties. " What?" He smiled.

" I like you." It came out like a confession rather than a fact.

His smile grew as he slipped his boxers up over his hips. " I hope." He laughed. " Or I just pulled out all my best moves for nothing."

I rolled my eyes at him while I put on my own clothes. " I'm being serious."

One moment he was buttoning his jeans and the next I found him lifting me up in the air wrapping my bare legs around his waist. " I know." He smiled pulling my face down to kiss my lips. " I like you too."

I smiled against his lips. He gave me an affection squeeze across my backside. " I don't sing Star Wars to just anybody you know?"

" That's probably a good idea." I chuckled against his lips eliciting a playful smack on my ass.

Before our playtime could lead further, because that's were my lips were persuading us to go, my stomach roared again. He kissed my cheek setting me back down on the ground. " Come on let's find you a more fulfilling snack."

We dressed and exited the empty playground without notice. We headed back to Edward's apartment because it was closer than mine. Luckily only only a few people witnessed our walk of shame. A little old lady walking her tiny, yet extremely furry dog gave us a disgusted "humph" as we walked past, but quickly changed her tune when I flashed her a fang filled smile. A few blocks later a random Frat boy gave Edward an awkward high five as he passed. The most humorous and memorable of encounters came when we rounded a corner only to run head first into Alice and Jasper. We each stumbled backwards apologizing profusely before we realized whom we'd ran into.

" Bella?" Alice asked with eyes opened wide.

" Alice?" I retorted.

Alice wore nothing but a long sleeved flannel shirt and a large gallon hat. Jasper was, of course, shirt less left only with his jeans and an extra large belt buckle. We studied each other for a moment taking it all in. " Where are your clothes?" I finally managed to ask.

" Where's your dignity?" She laughed poking a finger into my crazed hair.

I shot her a look pointing my finger at her pant-less figure daring her to start comparing dignity with me. She scratched her head underneath the over sized hat. " I don't know." She admitted. " Where my clothes are, I mean. We were actually in the act of back tracking ourselves in hopes of figuring that one out."

" I think I remember taking your bra off while we were still at the bar." Jasper said sleepily. " Or maybe it was your panty hose."

I shook my head grinning at her. " Nice one Alice. I mean loosing your clothes? I thought that only happened to Rose on Margarita Mondays."

She gave me a short little scowl. " You look wonderful by the way Bells. Is that dirt on your face?"

She had me there, although the merry-go-round was cleaner than you would think or at least it used to be. " Do you need help finding your clothes?" I asked giving in.

She sighed loudly for her own benefit because it prompted Jasper to pull her into his side. " No. I think it's a lost cause. Anything I lost at that bar I don't really want back anyway."

" True." I agreed. " Some lonely geek probably stole your panties anyway."

" Ugh." She groaned. " Thank you for that image."

Right after Edward added a very offended. " Hey!"

I turned to him kissing his shoulder. " You're a nerd sweetie, not a geek. There is a difference."

"There is?" Alice asked but quickly changed it to a statement. " I mean, there is!"

I threw her a dirty look as Edward frowned. Luckily Jasper intervened. " Dude." He laughed. " I'm pretty sure geeks don't leave the bar with their fingers halfway up a vampires skirt. You're safe."

Edward gave himself a very self-reassuring nod and I tried not to smile. The boys gave each other sleepy goodbyes promising to hang out again in the near future as Alice gave me a quick hug goodbye. " I expect a full report by noon tomorrow." She whispered.

I gave her a silent salute as we continued our walk home. Edward's apartment complex made me drool. He lived in Steeple Chase, which was the extreme high-end version of student living. It was a few thousand dollars short of owning an actual house. Edward, in fact, lived in the largest of the buildings. The two story brick building stood alone in the back corner with its own little make shift yard in the front. The inside was even more impressive. The place was fully furnished, especially when compared to my place where I considered a couple John Depp posters as extravagant artwork. Edward led me straight to the kitchen pulling me out a chair at the table. " I don't have that many options." He explained sadly opening random cabinets only to find them empty. " I don't suppose you're a fan of Captain Crunch?"

" The Captain?" I smiled. " We go way back. Care to fix me a bowl while I remove my fangs?"

He smiled relieved as he retrieved milk from the fridge. " Sure. There is a bathroom right around the corner."

I scurried off into the bathroom because I'd been unwilling to tell him how badly I needed to pee. After accomplishing all the necessities including the removal of my fangs I took the time to actually look at myself in the mirror. Alice had been right, my hair was horrendous! It literally stuck out in every direction and the back was wadded up in knots. I looked like medusa except my snakes were on crack. I tried to comb my fingers through it, but it was impossible to tame. I eventually gave up and returned to the kitchen. I tried to remind myself that he hadn't ran away screaming yet, so maybe that was a good sign or maybe his glasses weren't as strong as I thought.

We were both relatively quiet as we devoured our breakfast. We did manage to throw in a few mouth full laughs at each other, especially after he caught me trying comb my hair again. " Don't hurt yourself." He laughed. " You can use my shower if you want. That looks like it could use some conditioner."

It's always reassuring when a boy refers to your hair as "that" because he's too afraid to call it by its proper name. I stuck my tongue out at him. " Not everyone can be blessed with such perfectly manageable hair as you. Even now, messy and knotted, your hair looks sexy. It's not fair."

He snorted into his spoon. " That's your opinion. Personally I think yours looks rather distinguishing."

" Distinguishing?" I sipped the last of my milk out of the bowl. " Thanks a lot. That's just a nice way of saying you're uniquely ugly in a way I've never seen before."

He rolled his eyes as he took our bowls to the sink. " Yep." He agreed. " That's exactly why all I want to do is pull you into my bed and snuggle all day."

" You're an odd one Cullen."

" Back at ya, Swan."

He pulled me into his side kissing the top of my tangled head. We both took showers in separate bathrooms despite my willingness to a share a shower with him. I think he knew that we were both too tired at the moment to handle anymore strenuous activities. He sweetly offered me a pair of his pajama pants and an over sized t-shirt. When I walked into his bedroom I found him lying in his bed already snuggled up next to a pillow wearing only his boxers and glasses. I reflexively bit my lip.

Rest, I told myself, I needed rest first. I slowly crawled onto the bed and replaced the pillow with myself. He instantly snuggled in closer to me. " I've been waiting on you." He whispered.

His hair was still wet and it felt cool against my flush skin. " Sorry." I apologized, already beginning to feel the urge to close my heavy eyes. " The hot water felt so nice."

" I know." He yawned. " It makes you sleepy."

I hummed my agreement. Our breaths slowed and I could feel myself sinking deeper into him.

-0-

I awoke a little after three o'clock. Edward was still asleep having rolled over onto his stomach. I laid there staring out at his room thinking as I noticed the large flat screen T.V for the first time. I sat up cocking my head to the side as I examined it. " Bella?" His groggy voiced echoed to my side as I felt his finger tip the edge of my side.

I looked innocently over at him. " What are you thinking so hard about?" He inquired rolling over onto his side.

I looked back at the T.V and then back to him. " I realized I don't really know that much about you." I admitted.

The happiness in his face faded as he sat up on his elbow. " I've been moving too fast haven't I?" He sighed before adding, " shit."

" No." I quickly amended. " I didn't meant it like that and if I did it wouldn't be your fault. I mean I attacked you on top of a library desk for heavens sake. It's just… well…I guess I'm saying that I need both."

" Okay." He sat up next to me continuing to rub his hand over my leg. " Ask me anything."

I shot a quick glance back at the T.V and figured what the hell? " Are you rich?" I asked.

He stared at me moment before busting out into laughter. " I guess it looks that way doesn't it?" He ran his fingers through his hair. " No, Bella. I am definitely not rich."

My eyes narrowed in thought. " But.."

He held his hand up. " This isn't my condo." He smiled. " It belongs to my aunt Esme, she owns the entire complex. She agreed to let me live here free of charge as long as I was continuing my education. As soon as I graduate I'm back out on the streets."

It was silent for a moment as I took in his words. " So, you're just a poor college kid too?"

His smile grew. " With a very generous aunt." He added.

I don't know why, but I felt mildly relieved. It made us even again. He continued to look over at me expectantly. " Anything else?" He encouraged.

I smiled as I wiped the sleep out of my eyes. " Yes." I told him. " I want to know everything."

He sighed pushing his glasses back up his nose. " You sure?" He asked skeptically.

I ran my finger down the rim of glasses biting my lip. " I'm positive." I assured him.

He gave me a resigned grunt as he scooted back against his pillow adjusting himself into a comfortable position. " Okay." He finally agreed. " But remember, you already had sex with me. You can't take it back."

I rolled my eyes dramatically crawling over to straddle his waist. " Just give it to me straight Nerdward. I want to know."

" Well," he began pulling me up closer. " I may or may not own a pair of Power Ranger pajamas."

I opened my mouth to speak, but he beat me to the punch. " Not the pink one." He added predicting my question. " It's the green one. He's much more manly."

" Of course." I assured him stifling a giggle. " Please continue."

He grinned up at me. " Did I mention I can't cook? I almost burned my house down trying to make a pop tart once."

" But you baked me cookies." I reminded him.

" I brought you cookies." He corrected. " You assumed that I baked them."

My mouth gaped open. " You got me fake cookies?"

" Fake? They weren't fake! They were eatable." He tried to look offended and apologetic all at the same time.

" What else?" I demanded seriously but I kept giggling as I tried to scold him.

He immediately started shaking his head. " Not yet." He grinned triumphantly. " Now its your turn."

I frowned having expected it wouldn't be that easy. " Remember." I smiled at him. " You already bribed me with fake cookies. You can't take them back."

He snorted tickling my sides and I fell over in a fit of laughter. I knew from the very moment I laid eyes on Edward Cullen that the sex would be amazing, but I was pleasantly surprised to find out that everything else about him was just as good. He hovered over me with his dazzling eyes glistening down at me and I felt an overwhelming happiness build inside of me. " Spill it missy." He warned.

I settled back against his pillow deciding which embarrassing life fact I wanted to start with first and decided upon the most prudent to this conversation. I looked him dead in the eye keeping my face utterly serious. " I've watched Return of the Jedi thirty-six times."

He stared at me a second with his eyes narrowing and then without notice he busted out in a round of laughter tickling my sides. " You're a nerd!" He accused. " I knew it!"

I couldn't deny it and I wouldn't anyway. We both continued to laugh as he rolled over on top of me showering me kisses.


End file.
